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10 Things We Learned From This Week's Demonic Episode Of "American Horror Story: Asylum"

By Joanna Robinson | TV | October 26, 2012 |

By Joanna Robinson | TV | October 26, 2012 |

I apologize for the tardiness of this post. Tumblr has been down and that is, historically, where I get my gifs. I had to go elsewhere. It was ARDUOUS. You’re welcome.

Sister Jude Used To Be A Hot Mess: The drink all your drinks, dry hump solider boys and mow down little girls in blue kind of mess. But she’s on the straight and narrow now (provided there are no Fiennes in the immediate proximity). Cure for the chronic masturbator? Oh I bet you are, baby.

Chloë Sevigny Is Preposterously Talented: So far Shelley has been given some of the worst dialogue I have ever heard. Her scene with James Cromwell’s Dr. Arden was particularly heavy handed and clunky. But Sevigny is compelling as h*ll. Especially with a half-shaved head.

Dr. Arden Has A Thing For Nuns?…Bondage?…Schubert? All of the above.

I Still Think This One Is Bloody Face First of all, the crazy eyeballs match. Secondly, the character has to be young enough in 1964 to be able to keep stabbing the sh*t out of Adam Levine in 2012. (Yaaaaaaaaaaay! Do it every week!) Also, nice nudity scene, Ryan Murphy. Way to put the *ss in asylum. If it weren’t for Eliza Coupe on “Happy Endings,” Lizzie Brocheré would win Most Creatively Non-Naked Nakedness Of The Week.

Lily Rabe aka Sister Mary Eunice Is About To Get Much More Interesting: It would seem as thought Sister Mary E has been possessed by the spirit that Linda Blair’d that poor farm boy. Which should be fun. This is great news because a) I was already sick of her simpering, quaking act and b) Lily Rabe is very talent (see her performance as Nora Montgomery last season) and deserves some insanity to chew on. I may be behind the curve, but I just found out this week that Rabe is the late, great Jill Clayburgh’s daughter. That’s some fine acting pedigree right there.

Best Electroshock Face?: Sarah Paulson did a pretty great job, but I’m afraid Claire Danes is still our winner.

The “Faculty” Loving 90s Girl In Me Refuses To Believe Clea DuVall Is Dead: Yeah she got all up close and personal with Bloody Face. But did we see the body? No we did not. So I choose to believe she’s going to make it through that encounter. Besides, if there’s another Bloody Face killing while Kit is still in strapped down in Briarcliff, wouldn’t that exonerate him? And deprive us of more bare ass caning scenes?

Gallahad Speaking of which, Sister Jude referred to Kit as Gallahad. I hope she’s as fond of that as she is of the recurring “Lana Banana” nickname. Nicknames are adorable.

All Work And No Play Make Dr. Oliver Thredson A Dull Boy: This week we were introduced to Zachary Quinto’s character, the clinical, irreligious Oliver Thredson. And while this character is not nearly as entertaining as his hysterical, bitchy interior decorator ghost from last season, I have faith that you don’t cast Quinto to play the straight man (straight Vulcan, maybe). So my hope is that the grimy, crawling creepiness of Briarcliff will take its toll on Dr. Thredson and we’ll see him completely unhinge before the season’s over.

Acute Insanity a) That sounds made-up. Any doctors in the house? Was this ever a technical diagnosis? b) A-CUTE is right. Evan Peters, shine on you crazy, bare-*ssed diamond.