Have you ever lazed in a bubble bath and contemplated which horror movie you would be if a horror movie could be a person; specifically a YOU person?

Samesies. Today, actually. I’m an adult!

I think I would be The Shining. Why? Well, my head is full of spirits, I’m a writer, I’m pretty to look at, and sometimes you don’t understand what exactly you’re experiencing at during any given moment. I’m okay with some loneliness, but too much and I start seeing bears performing fellatio on old dudes wearing suits.

I’m just a big, abandoned hotel in the middle of a winter wonderland asking you to realize you’ve been a part of me the whole time. And you’re dead. And trapped. And frozen in that maze. You know?

Jodi Smith is a Senior Reporter, Film & Television at Pajiba. You can email her or follow her on Twitter.