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What Hath the Dadbod Wrought? The Dadbag, Apparently.

By Jodi Smith | Lists | September 19, 2017 |

By Jodi Smith | Lists | September 19, 2017 |

Listen, I had every intention of finding actual trade news and writing it up for you tonight, but then? THIS HAPPENED:

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That is a Dadbag. It’s a concept from Albert Pukies over at BoredPanda.

I made the dadbag because I’m desperate to have dad bod but I’m also very concerned about the health risks associated with it. The solution is quite simple, a bumbag with a proper dad belly printed on it. Now I can put on a dad bod whenever I feel like it and even store my valuables in it.

The Dadbag is currently not available to buy, but I’m on the lookout for partners and manufacturers to hopefully go into mass production soon.

It is terrible, both in form and function. It possesses the terrifying paleness of complacent white belly while liberally sprinkled with either hair or regret. I say either or because, well, there are options.

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Just look at The Allen. That’s a belly that comes out for Sunday football and stays out a rousing game of Pick Out the Bellybutton Lint Lethargically.

The Derek says, “I used to be athletic, but all of this dayjob bullshit has got me shotgunning donuts and Starbucks to develop this softly curved gut on the cusp of middle-age.”

Say hello to The Magnus, the place where food wrappers, car keys, and a van down by the river all live.

Why, it’s The Bobby! Look at that pale puff of a tum tum! That’s the kind of dadbod cultivated through practiced yard work avoidance and a laser focus on grinding for rare items in various video games.

The Wolfgang is formed in the deepest, dirtiest parts of garages and basements everywhere. Where there is Bud Light, The Wolfgang is there.

The Sherman, you know you aren’t allowed within fifty feet of the schoolyard!

Just think, you could be partially responsible for these Dadbags being sold in your local Walmart or Hot Topic or wherever stuff gets sold. Just visit Mr. Pukies at his website and may God have mercy on your soul.