I watched the whole damned Super Bowl and the most exciting thing to happen in that time was the appearance of a giant spider in our living room. Would my husband be able to lure it from beneath the television stand it scurried under? Would we have to burn the house now or wait until morning? IT WAS A REAL NAILBITER.
In the end, the spider was successfully removed and the Super Bowl finally ended with the least surprising outcome possible. In between the Tom Brady fellatio and claims of the Patriots being underdogs, there were also underwhelming commercials. While some enjoyable commercials slipped through, there were many that made PuppyMonkeyBaby seem like a great accomplishment in advertising history.
Hyundai - The Elevator
I think my biggest problem was Jason Bateman’s smugness. If almost any other elevator operator took center stage in this ad, I would have enjoyed it quite a bit. As it is, I just wanted to yell at the screen, “DO NOT DISRESPECT JESSICA WALTER EVER AGAIN.”
Stella Artois - Change Up The Usual
I understand making characters synonymous with specific alcoholic drinks choose the brand of beer being advertised. What makes this a terrible commercial is a leadup where we all thought The Dude actually would abide. Instead, he sold us out, man. That’s just like, my opinion, but I stand by it.
Pepsi - More Than OK
First of all, Pepsi instead of Coke is never OK. NEVER. Secondly, Steve Carell gets to have lines while Cardi B and Lil’ Jon are just caricatured catchphrase machines? Not okay.
Michelob ULTRA Pure Gold - The Pure Experience
IT IS BEER. DAMN IT. IT IS JUST BEER.
TurboTax Live - RoboChild
So we aren’t even trying anymore? Cool. That’s fine.
Every Single T-Mobile Spot
The ad executives took a spin around Reddit and grabbed some upvoted memes to put on their phone screens to show that…uh. I’m not entirely sure what the point of the commercials was supposed to be, because they annoyed me so much.