The Stupidest Most WTF Plot Twists Of 2016

This year, film critics lamented the dearth of great cinema, and the dominance of absolute garbage movies. We’ve seen things. Stupid things. Such stupid things that can’t be unseen. Now you must suffer as we’ve suffered, knowing the pure inanity and insanity Hollywood dumped into films and television this year. But mostly films.

So many spoilers below:

Passengers

Oh, you thought you were going to see a spaceship-set romance starring affable A-listers? JOKE’S ON YOU! This is actually some rape culture promoting bullshit.

Don’t Breathe

This much-hyped horror flick employs surprise serial rape as a plot twist, plus the blind guy is basically more resilient than Jason Vorhees and Michael Meyers put together for…reasons?

Collateral Beauty

Rebecca writes: “Assholes convince grieving father he’s going insane for their own financial benefit? SURPRISE, IT’S A FEEL-GOOD CHRISTMAS MOVIE.” This is 90% WTF. And 10% dominoes.

Shut In/The Boy

Two stupid horror movies with the same stupid twist: there’s a boy in the walls. Boo. Our thoughts go out to Rebecca, who reviewed BOTH.

Incarnate

Bex was also tasked with tackling this horror misfire, which has a “twist” so frustrating the poor girl flatlined.

Race

This biopic about Olympic champion Jesse Owens makes a hero out of Nazi propagandist Leni Riefenstahl. So….yeah.

Batman v Superman: Donna Justice

Martha? Fucking seriously.

Lights Out

The haunting is real and the only way to get rid of the vengeful spirit of her former “friend” is to commit suicide. So the deeply depressed mother kills herself to save her kids, creating a shit twist and sending a poor message.

Neon Demon

A naive model in the eat you alive world of fashion gets…EATEN ALIVE. Or maybe she was dead when that happened. Point is pretty girls gone cannibalism. Also Jena Malone fingerbangs a corpse.

Walking Dead

Glenn’s death or the whole show lately, really.

Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them

The real beast is surprise Johnny Depp.

Nine Lives

Plot points of this Kevin Spacey paycheck producer include a selfish business man being transformed into a cat so he can learn a life lesson, a pseudo sex scene between said cat and Jennifer Garner (WHAT IS SHE DOING WITH HER CAREER), and a faux suicide attempt as a climactic save-the-day plot twist. This one we actually recommend watching. With ALL the whiskey.

The Dressmaker

Rebecca called the heroine’s lover drowning in a silo filled with sorghum “the weirdest plot twist of the year.” But that was September. We were sweet summer children then. Speaking of…

Game of Thrones

Fuck you, George R. R.

Did we miss your most loathed plot twist of 2016? Share it in the comments.