The 90s produced a lot of important cultural events: endless children’s gameshows, sitcoms about nothing, Seinfeld, and fruit snacks filled with gushing juice, to name a few.
But what the 90s will forever best be known for is producing the best songs for doing sex things to each other to, which is a thing I’ve totally done. But what are the best songs from the 90s when it comes to getting all hot and steamy with each other’s wieners and coot coots, which, again, is something I’m absolutely familiar with?
Fear not, my friends. Let me be your guide.
by Janet Jackson
Was there sex before this song was written? It’s hard to tell. How would we know if we saw it? What does sex even look like? I’m asking for a friend.
All My Life
K-Ci & JoJo
This song is for when the sex is real, because love. Not marital love, but that level of love that makes church camp kids feel like it’s ok that I’ve heard about from friends.
I’ll Make Love To You
Boyz II Men
It’s not subtle, but I’m not sure that sex is supposed to be. Like, of course I took my pants off right away. We can’t do this with them on, right? I mean, right? Please answer this question. Where are you going?
Soul 4 Real
It’s important that you teach your partners to settle early in life. You’re not going to get Boyz II Men right now, but have you ever dreamed of candy coated rain drops?
…Can you be like 80% less honest?
At this point I have no idea how else to make my intentions clear. I am 17 years old, I’m in the marching band, and I just want someone to touch my dick to this sexy song with a belching beat. Horns up.
Nice And Slow
hahahahaha I just lay face down in my backyard as a joke. no YOU’re crying
You’re Making Me High
Oh, I’m the weirdo in the funny pants. I’m starting to put the pieces together. Thanks for being straight with me, T.
Maybe the songs in 2000 will be super sexier.