Ten Bob Dylan Covers That Will Bad Touch Your Soul
“The Times They Are A-Changin’” by Michael Moore
Yes, that Michael Moore, and it’s why everyone hates the documentarian: he puts himself in the middle of everything. No one’s going to be suddenly inspired to join the Occupy Wall Street movement because they heard Moore warble an Irish version of a Bob Dylan classic — hell, no one even asked for Moore to cover the song. And yet, he thinks to the contrary, so here we are.
“Man Gave Names to All the Animals” by Jason Mraz
Acoustic reggae: strike one. Bob Dylan’s worst song: strike two. An acoustic reggae cover of Bob Dylan’s worst song: I’m out.
“Like a Rolling Stone” by Bon Jovi, Robert Palmer, and Seal
The greatest rock ‘n’ roll song of all-time turned into a slick piece of shit for radio stations with names like LITE-FM.
“Mr. Tambourine Man” by William Shatner
Shatner now pretends the whole thing was a joke, but at the time, he meant it. As if you can’t hear the sincerity in the recording.
“The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll” by Cage the Elephant
Just because it’s a “sad song” doesn’t mean you have to turn it into something so cloyingly precious.
“Desolation Row” by My Chemical Romance
The Watchmen soundtrack had many missteps (the “Hallelujah” and “All Along the Watchtower” covers that have been heard about a billion times before) — but this was one step too many…and falling straight to Hell.
“I Want You” by James Blunt
A voice only a prepubescent girl or lonely housewife would find “good.”
“All Along the Watchtower” by Bt4 and Bear McCreary
A.k.a. the version from season three of Battlestar Galactica. I’m still so bitter over HOW STUPID THAT WAS.
“Rainy Day Women #12 & 35” by Sammy Hagar
The riffs are painful, like a 12-year-old trying to play “Hot Cross Buns.”
“Make You Feel My Love” by Jeremy Irons
If you imagine this late-era Dylan classic as being sung by Scar, not Jeremy Irons, it becomes one of the best. But then you envision Profion, and it’s back to one of the worst.