Superhero New Year's Resolutions For 2019
New Year’s Resolutions aren’t only for the mortal or non-fictional of us. Superheroes have things they need to work on as well.
Star Lord: Be more patient and try not to hit my problems in the head while Mantis is trying to put them to sleep.
Superman: Use my laser vision to remove facial hair instead of leaving it to DCEU special effects artists.
Captain Marvel: Get a cell phone. [Tori Preston is wise.]
Nick Fury: Call in the Kree Warrior with more power than the rest of the Avengers combined a little earlier next time.
Thor Always aim for the head. Maybe even double-tap.
Iron Man (Wistful sobbing and constant singing of “Cat’s in the Cradle”.) [You can thank Steven Lloyd Wilson for this one.]
Harley Quinn: I’m leavin’ my Puddin’ behind and having a girl’s year!
Nebula: KILL MY FATHER.
Batman: Stop letting Zack Snyder force me to murder people. Also get younger, perhaps re-emerge as Armie Hammer.
Jean Grey/Phoenix Get a proper introduction, character arc, and treatment in a movie. PLEASE.
Lady Deadpool: Do you want a Deadpool Corps trilogy? BECAUSE I AM HOW YOU START A DEADPOOL CORPS TRILOGY. Cameos by Shorty No Pockets and Tito are allowed in movie number two only. The first one can have Dogpool. MAYBE. Also, where do we stand on having Cap in my movie? Is that deal done yet?
Image sources (in order of posting): 20th Century Fox, Marvel, Warner Bros., DC
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