The 80s were kind of a fucked up time to be a child. I think that most of the people in charge of children’s movies were either coked to the gills or had a 50s mindset of teaching kids not to be whiny assholes with stupid emotions. Whatever the reason, the films I watched as a young child in the 80s were scary, emotionally taxing experiences.
I wonder if these are partly to blame for the anxiety and panic disorder?
The Dark Crystal - The Skeksis
“Yeah, I want you to make a puppet starting with the desiccated skull of a vulture and putting it on a hunched, clawed, grotesque body for this kid’s movie I’m doing. They’re the villains!” And thus, the skeksis was born.
We trusted you, Jim Henson. We all saw The Muppet Movie and The Muppet Show. Then you give us this movie with dying species and dark themes and nightmares wrapped in robes and tattered rags. I thought they lived under the bed or in my closet, their insane, warbled voices whispering to me as their claws hungrily raked the air. Goddamn it.
Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure - Large Marge
The NeverEnding Story - The whole fucking thing
Bastian is bullied, but he’s going to go to a magical land via magical book, where he ends up being the most important person in the world! This is going to be OH HELL NO WHAT IS THAT GMORK MOTHERFUCKE?. DID Y’ALL JUST MAKE ME WATCH A KID’S HORSE DROWN WHILE HE WATCHED?
The Brave Little Toaster - The clown scene
The Last Unicorn - Witches, creeper skeletons
The only thing I remember about this movie is thinking I shouldn’t be allowed to watch it. It seemed really adult and terrifying at the time. I’m pretty sure I’ll never watch it again.
The Secret of NIMH - Dying mice and terrifying owls
Another movie with deep themes confusing to some young children, NIMH follows a widow mouse who is attempting to evacuate her children from a field before a farmer plows them into pieces. Mrs. Brisby, the rat widow, has to put her plan on hold because of a sick child, some lab rats in the field, and an all out brawl brewing.
Why was I watching a movie where there was a chance a sick child mouse would die or many mice would be horrifically murdered by an activity that happens regularly? WHY WAS I WATCHING A MOUSE SCREECH ABOUT EVERYONE DYING IF THEY DIDN’T LEAVE THEIR HOMES.
The Hugga Bunch - JUST LOOK AT THEM