If you were to listen to Newsweek tell it, the reason that former White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci isn’t pressing ahead with his memoir is because publishers thought it “sucked” and lost interest. But you can read his book proposal for yourself over on Business Insider, and it’s solid! Who WOULDN’T want to hear the thrilling tale of his strange and entertaining 10 days in the White House “from the perspective of the outspoken Wall Streeter-turned Washingtonian who lived them”?
You know what I think the problem really was? His title. C’mon now, Mooch, can’t you think of anything sexier than “I Did It My Way”? We get it, you’re a Sinatra fan, but that stale cliché won’t play with the kids these days. Maybe jazz it up a bit? “I Did It My Way: Short, Messy, and Disappointing.” Or better yet — how about a Kendrick reference? “To Pimp An Orange Butterfly” might work!
So in a last ditch effort to make his much-anticipated, not-at-all-a-Tell-All book a reality, the Overlords decided to brainstorm some better titles. Mooch, if you’re reading — these are all yours, buddy. You’re welcome.
“9 1/2 Weeks, Minus 7 1/2 Weeks”
“6 Days, 7 Nights, Or Close Enough”
“28 Days Later, Was More Than Two Weeks Since I Lost This Job”
“How To Lose A Job And A Wife In 10 Days”
“14 Days That Changed Absolutely Nothing”
“Trying To Suck My Own Cock: A Guide To Short-Term Employment In Communications” (True story: messages like this one are why we keep our Slack notifications turned off on our phones… or at least MOST of us do)
“Off The Record: Media Mistakes And More”
“One Man, One Job, One Pay Period”
“Unemployment, The White House Way”
“Hold My Beer: How to Lose A Job In the Most Fucked-Up Administration to Ever Exist”
“Days of Bluster”
“The Day After Tomorrow And Then Maybe Another Week”
“Short Term 12 (Minus 2)”
“How To Achieve 15 Minutes of Fame In 10 Days Or Less”
“How to Lose Jobs and Alienate Newborns: The Scaramucci Story”
“He’s Just Not That Into You”
“Under the Bannon of Heaven”
“I’ve Made A Huge Mistake”
“Mooch Hard With A Vengeance”
“I Sometimes Use Colorful Language, And Other Communications Mistakes”
“Always Refer To Yourself In The Third Person, and Other Lessons From The Mooch”
“Cock-Blocked: The Scaramucci Story”
“Kill All The Leakers, And Other Pro-Tips From Washington D.C.”
And our favorite, in The Mooch’s own words:
“I’m Not Steve Bannon, I’m Not Trying To Suck My Own Cock.”
Add your suggestions in the comments, and let’s see if we can get this book back on track!