I like fashion. I won’t pretend I’m some well-versed fashionista who dedicatedly pores over the pages of the September Issues, or follows the runways shows of Paris and Milan, or shops the hottest sample sales. I’m more the fashionista who binge-watches Project Runway, then scours online stores for thrifty looks I like. I can’t pretend I understand haute couture. But I do understand simple fashion terms like “romper,” “skirt” or “dress.” Or at least I thought I did until I browsed Forever 21’s online store.
That jumpsuit was the very first result when I searched for dresses. Rompers and Jumpsuits have their own tab within the “dresses” search result, which struck me as odd because these are not dresses.
But as I scrolled, looking for a breezy dress that might best suit an upcoming casual/chic occasion, I found more and more affronts to basic definitions.
This is not a dress. It’s at best an un-dress. And for the record, the “layering garments”—in this case giant black panties—are not included.
There’s a variety of these “dresses,” each demanding magical underwear that are chic and effortless while being crucial to keeping you from public indecency charges.
Not even the model is pulling this off.
But hey. You don’t need to go risque when wearing a transparent dress. You could pull from the closets of fashion victims’ past and pair it with an under-tee. AND PANTS.
But these cheeky shenanigans don’t stop here. Forever 21 thinks this is a dress.
It’s a goddamn robe. And you want to wear that outside—which apparently lots do as it’s nearly sold out—cool cool. You do you. But don’t tell me it’s a damn dress. I’ll go full-on Judge Judy, who wears a judge’s ROBE not a dress.
For women, clothes shopping is hard enough between vanity sizing, designer’s focus on fashion over any kind of function, and zippers that make it impossible to put on outfits solo. Do we really need to muddy the waters of such SIMPLE terms as “dress”? I just want something pretty, and playful and comfortable that I can toss on in an instant and look like a functioning human female! NOT THIS:
Which is also almost sold out.