film / tv / politics / social media / lists celeb / pajiba love / misc / about / cbr
film / tv / politics / web / celeb

Misunderstood-the-assignment.jpg

Forever 21 Doesn't Know What Dresses Are

By Kristy Puchko | Lists | August 21, 2017 |

By Kristy Puchko | Lists | August 21, 2017 |

I like fashion. I won’t pretend I’m some well-versed fashionista who dedicatedly pores over the pages of the September Issues, or follows the runways shows of Paris and Milan, or shops the hottest sample sales. I’m more the fashionista who binge-watches Project Runway, then scours online stores for thrifty looks I like. I can’t pretend I understand haute couture. But I do understand simple fashion terms like “romper,” “skirt” or “dress.” Or at least I thought I did until I browsed Forever 21’s online store.

That jumpsuit was the very first result when I searched for dresses. Rompers and Jumpsuits have their own tab within the “dresses” search result, which struck me as odd because these are not dresses.

Screen Shot 2017-08-21 at 9.03.47 AM.png

But as I scrolled, looking for a breezy dress that might best suit an upcoming casual/chic occasion, I found more and more affronts to basic definitions.

Screen Shot 2017-08-21 at 8.48.50 AM.png

This is not a dress. It’s at best an un-dress. And for the record, the “layering garments”—in this case giant black panties—are not included.

There’s a variety of these “dresses,” each demanding magical underwear that are chic and effortless while being crucial to keeping you from public indecency charges.

Screen Shot 2017-08-21 at 8.51.33 AM.png

No.

Screen Shot 2017-08-21 at 9.00.25 AM.png

Stop it.

Screen Shot 2017-08-21 at 9.01.10 AM.png

Not even the model is pulling this off.

Screen Shot 2017-08-21 at 9.05.49 AM.png

But hey. You don’t need to go risque when wearing a transparent dress. You could pull from the closets of fashion victims’ past and pair it with an under-tee. AND PANTS.

Screen Shot 2017-08-21 at 8.57.17 AM.png

But these cheeky shenanigans don’t stop here. Forever 21 thinks this is a dress.

Screen Shot 2017-08-21 at 8.53.39 AM.png

It’s a goddamn robe. And you want to wear that outside—which apparently lots do as it’s nearly sold out—cool cool. You do you. But don’t tell me it’s a damn dress. I’ll go full-on Judge Judy, who wears a judge’s ROBE not a dress.

JudgeJudy.gif

For women, clothes shopping is hard enough between vanity sizing, designer’s focus on fashion over any kind of function, and zippers that make it impossible to put on outfits solo. Do we really need to muddy the waters of such SIMPLE terms as “dress”? I just want something pretty, and playful and comfortable that I can toss on in an instant and look like a functioning human female! NOT THIS:

Screen Shot 2017-08-21 at 9.08.33 AM.png

Which is also almost sold out.