Five Things You Can Do If You're A Sad Loser That Hasn't Picked Up Fallout 4 Yet
November 10th, the much anticipated launch date of Fallout 4, has come and gone. And that means gamers have retired to their darkened rooms and couches, switched on their Pip-Boys, spent three hours designing a character, playing 6 hours before realizing they don’t like this character, and starting over again.
So, is Fallout 4 the gamechanger we’ve expected it to be? Has it come out of the vault full strong?
Fuck if I know. I don’t have a copy yet.
So rather than fall into a deep hole of post apocalypseless depression, I decided to take action and give myself some stuff to do to kill time until I can start playing, and maybe help some other people get by until they’ve saved enough caps, too.
5. Watch The Grinder
This show is so, so fun. It’s not a genre defying art like Master of None, but to just call it a sitcom would be unfair. It is a SITCOM. It uses every part of the sitcom buffalo to maximum effect. Everyone on the show is so fun and charming, and have such an absurd level of chemistry that I’m not sure they won’t form into some kind of Zord together. If I taught script writing, my class would study this show. Every episode seems like a fresh take on it’s own convention, just like I’m sure every quest I’d undertake in the wasteland with my trusty dog and the pistol I found in my vault would also feel like a brand new adventure.
4. Read Cornbread Mafia: A Homegrown Syndicate’s Code Of Silence And The Biggest Marijuana Bust In American History by James Higdon
Does the idea of combining Duck Dynasty and The Godfather seem mildly interesting to you? This book about one of the largest drug syndicates in the history of our country sitting pretty in the heart of my homestate of Kentucky is a really fun, bizarre read. I don’t know much about Duck Dynasty so I don’t want to make a negative connotation…let’s just say ‘Bluegrass Godfather.’ One time I was being driven to a show through that area in a pick up truck and the guy driving said ‘man there’s no WAY to know how many bodies are buried out here, boy, nossir’ and it’s one of the only things he said on the entire half hour drive. It was a super weird thing for someone to say, and I’m sure it would feel right at home as a line of dialogue spoken by a shantytown barkeep deep in the world of Fallout 4.
3. Give Carly Rae Jepson another chance
I dunno. I Really Like You is a pretty catchy song. My arms feel itchy.
2. Start a new game in Skyrim
Hey Skyrim is still fun, right? You know, you never did start that game with a magic user with the idea of getting them to level 15 without starting any main quests and then just heading straight for the College of Winterhold. Maybe it’s finally time.
This really isn’t working.
1. Play Fallout 4
Look, let’s be real. Until we’re playing the game, we’re not playing the game, you know? Let’s just make this thing a fucking priority and call in sick. The pros outweigh the cons: it’ll be fun, it’ll distract you from Star Wars marketing you’re not trying to stare at every two seconds…You know who else is playing this thing right now? Fred Savage, that guy in the pick up truck from Kentucky, Carly Rae Jepson, and the entire Skyrim development team.
To Best Buy, my friends! And if that’s not where you buy your games, then maybe I’ll see you at Babbages. I still have some gift certificates there.