756. Rachel Ray. If one lists out every television cooking personality that ever was, there are 756 of them. I’ve done the math. Rachel Ray of course comes in dead last. Every time there’s a new television cooking personality, she moves down another spot. Just a fact of life.
6. Tyler Florence, before he got fat. “Food 911” was my introduction to the Cooking Channel, back when it was good, and I watched Florence’s show religiously. Then something happened — Florence got fat. And for some reason, I found him less entertaining. Which isn’t to say I’m necessarily prejudiced against fatties, because coming in next on the list…
5. Mario Batali (tied). Mario’s great. He just is.
5. Gordon Ramsey, UK version only (tied). If you only know Ramsey as he is on US shows, you probably hate him. He’s an obnoxious vulgarian (not that there’s anything wrong with being a vulgarian). But on his British shows, he’s much less of a put-on. He’s still a little obnoxious, and still very much a vulgarian, but he’s bloody likable.
3. Giada De Laurentiis. I’m a man. Do I not bleed? Do I not eat? Do I not like eating food cooked by hot, rich chicks?
2. The Swedish Chef. Bork bork bork!
1. Anthony Bourdain. Bourdain is probably my biggest man crush going these days. He’s number one on my list of people I’d like to have dinner with (living), and number 3 on my list of people I’d like to have dinner with (dead or alive). Simply put, he fucking rocks.