The UK is having a spot of cold weather at the moment, or as we like to think of it: Snowmageddon. This week has seen the arrival of the storm nicknamed The Beast From The East, which has got to be the best storm nickname ever. Never to let a good cliché pass by without a salute, behold: a British person talking about the weather!
We know, we know; the rest of the world has Proper Extreme Weather. The UK’s definition of extreme weather conditions might raise a wry smile, and I wholeheartedly invite you to laugh at our expense. This is a land where ‘leaves on the line’ in autumn can be a genuine reason for train delays. ‘Down South’ might only get a few days of snow every year, so we are rarely prepared for it. When icy winds from Siberia hit our shores, and forecasters start saying sexy things like ‘polar vortex’ and ‘thundersnow’, who can blame us for panic-buying milk and bread, lecturing each other on the perils of black ice, and daydreaming about the possibility of a Snow Day?
If there’s anything we love more than talking about the weather and getting hysterical about the weather, it’s when warnings of dire weather turn out to be a great fuss over nothing. So, to put things into perspective, I present to you a list of Proper Extreme Weather Movies.
The Day After Tomorrow
This is my go-to Snow Day movie. I like to kid myself that it’s that cold outside. If the sun pokes through the clouds, DON’T GO OUTSIDE — WE’RE IN THE EYE OF THE STORM! You’ve got to love a movie where going to a library can save your life. It’s like the Literature major’s equivalent of going to the Winchester until all of this blows over.
It’s the end of the world as we know it, right? So is it time to build an ark? Maybe not yet. Comfort yourself in the knowledge that it could be much worse. There is a lot of weather in this movie. And none of it is a sunny spring day. Who’d have thought it?
Volcano / Dante’s Peak
Confession: I always get these two muddled up. I mean, they were both released in 1997, have the same premise that a volcano’s unexpectedly about to erupt, and to quote TK, they are both “wonderful and stupid”. Whether you prefer your volcano served with a side of Tommy Lee Jones or Pierce Brosnan, it’s so darned chilly outside that it might take looking at some nice toasty lava to warm you up.
The Poseidon Adventure / Poseidon
When the waves are so big they knock your ship over, you know you’re in trouble. So epic, they made it twice.
If it seems like the world is falling apart at the seams, what you really really want is for The Rock to appear like a superhero and save the day. No, really. Those tidal waves above are no match for The Rock. He can totally ride them out. A hero by land, air and sea, The Rock’s got your back. Kylie Minogue doesn’t do so well, though… San Andreas may be “a breathtaking demonstration of emotional manipulation, buried in the the middle of an aggressively terrible disaster-porn film”, but it will put that snow into perspective. Check out TK’s review here.
I’m not even ashamed of how much I love this movie. There’s Aaron Eckhart, Stanley Tucci, furiously disorientated pigeons, giant diamonds, and Highly Questionable Science! I had you at Stanley Tucci, right? And there is absolutely nothing phallic about Virgil, the special vessel you can see there burrowing into the Marianas Trench. No sniggering at the back, please.
Tornados are SCARY! Fun fact: my one and only tornado ‘encounter’ was when I lived in Cincinnati and the sirens went off. I was so scared that I went downstairs to hang out with the doorman, who thought my terror was hilarious. The folks in Twister don’t cower in the lobby; they seek out the twisters. They may regret some of their life choices. Tornados, man.
What’s scarier than a tornado? A tornado with teeth! Hey, this franchise has spawned so many sequels, you could spend a whole Snow Day watching nothing but Sharknado movies! (That’s could, not should, by the way…)
A 90s style, cheesy disaster movie with Highly Questionable Science? That’s right up my street. If you need convincing, check out Rebecca’s review!
Do you prefer your extreme weather movies daft and over the top like these, or do you prefer true stories like The Perfect Storm, or The Impossible? What’s the perfect movie for a Snow Day? How wimpy do you think the UK is right now? Sound off in the comments!
I’ll be over here, shivering under a blanky.