Ain't Nobody Got Time for That: Shows We Love and Then Leave

By Mike Roorda | Lists | May 31, 2013 |

By Mike Roorda | Lists | May 31, 2013 |

I watch a lot of television. Praise be to Comcast, my DVR allows me to go about living a normal life without missing any of my many shows. If the choices were “see real people who sometimes suck and disappoint me” and “sit at home and be entertained and if HBO is on there’s probably nudity” I’d choose the possibility of couch nudity every time.

Given the volume of content that I attempt to absorb, often times shows that I previously swore to love and protect, honor and cherish to have and hold forever and ever amen … well sometimes those shows have to go away to visit their parents and never come back. The shows tend to differ in scope and subject matter but a few things will make me reach for the clicker and swear off your story for ever. Those things are:

1. Promising me complex drama with high stakes, but failing to deliver. For the sake of argument, we’ll call this one “Sutter Syndrome.” You can only feed me so many sh*t sandwiches while promising steak before I get tired of eating poop and go someplace else with a cow in the window. Big scary conflict at the end of your season with high stakes and the possibility of death? Nope! Something we hadn’t even introduced until just now comes out of left field and changes the equation.

Worst offenders: “Sons of Anarchy*,” “Burn Notice,” “CSI,” “Castle.”

2. One upping the previous season, every season. I don’t mind a little bit of crazy bananas every now and again (see: “Hemlock Grove”) but if that’s all that your show has going for it, I’m going to eventually lose interest and move on. Story has to include more than just who’s copulating with whom and you won’t believe what happened, no really, you won’t believe it.

Worst offenders: “True Blood,” “Weeds,” given the final shot of the season probably “Hemlock Grove.”

3. Populating your story with characters I don’t care about. You could have a great story on your hands, or you could be attempting another USA Network show, but if your characters are dull and hollow I have no reason to emotionally invest. On the other hand if your story sucks, but your characters are awesome, I’ll continue to tune in. (*cough*NCIS*cough*)

Worst Offenders: “Suits,” “Falling Skies,” “Revolution.”

So now you know some of what I’ve quit watching and the major reasons why I’ll stop tuning in. What are your additions to these lists, or new reasons with their own examples?

*Yes, I know who Sutter killed off last season and how. I still don’t care and will never watch again.