I want to help Hollywood stay in the business of destroying the things we love by copying them ad nauseam and doing them more poorly every time. In order to assist Hollywood in every way I can, I have come up with some ideas for continuing this annoying trend in the future.
Deadpool “Inspired” Ideas
1. Pride and Prejudice and Pegging
It’s like a modernized remake-yet-period-piece drama with romance. And pegging. Pegging that involves old timey strap-ons made with handcrafted leather and artisan-crafted wooden dildos.
You can practically taste the Oscar Nomination.
2. An R-Rated insert superhero here who doesn’t need to be R-Rated Flick
You know what made Deadpool a success? The writing? No. The cast? Pffft. The R-Rating? WE HAVE A BINGO.
So how do we cash in on this? Grab a dartboard and some interns. Make the interns take turns holding the dartboard and then start throwing. Every time an intern bleeds, you grab a superhero name from a basket and give them an R-Rated movie. Squirrel Girl? R! Ms. Marvel? R! The Runaways? R!!!!!
3. Deadpool Corps Movie
If there can be anything better than Deadpool, it is a whole group of alternate universe Deadpools teaming up to save a galaxy or whatever. Each member of Deadpool Corps speaks to a lucrative demographic: Lady Deadpool, aka Wanda Wilson, is for the broads. Deadpool is for the people who saw Deadpool. Shorty No Pockets, aka Zombiepool, is for the people who like horror. Kidpool, aka Tito, is for kids and skeezy Hollywood producers (allegedly).
Can I get Eliza Coupe for Lady Deadpool/Wanda Wilson?
10 Cloverfield Lane “Inspired” Ideas
4. Title Redacted will be filmed in secret and everyone in the small cast will remain quiet about their participation until the intriguing trailer is released. The movie will follow a REDACTED as REDACTED REDACTED. Once REDACTED REDACTED, REDACTED REDACTED and we slowly reveal its connection to the movie REDACTED!
London Has Fallen “Inspired”
5. This is a strong franchise possibility with James Bond longevity possible. There can always be a new President in danger and a new Head of Security who saves them. I’m certain we can get a Tokyo Has Fallen out of Gerard Butler and Aaron Eckhart. Once that presidential trilogy is over, we get Zach Efron to take over the security role, Jason Bateman as The President, and start randomly choosing locations.
Locations will be chosen in the same manner as the superheroes receiving R-Rated movies.
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice “Inspired”
6. Dumpster Fire v Garbage Bag Full of Rancid Mayonnaise: Dawn of Trash Day. Zack Snyder will write and direct. The Dumpster Fire will be played by Mel Gibson and the Garbage Bag will be played by Johnny Depp wearing every makeup he’s ever worn in every film ever.