Since I told you what not to wear, some of you may need some last minute costumes. Thank Jebus that I’m here for you.
1. Paint the Wu Tang symbol on your face. When people ask, “What are you?”, you respond “NUTHIN TA FUCK WIT.” Please, no black face. You’ll ruin everything.
2. Construct a crude costume consisting of pieces belonging to Dracula, Wolfman, Mummy, Frankenstein’s Monster, etc. Call yourself Monster Mash and have your theme song at the ready for when someone asks what the hell you’re supposed to be.
3. Use safety pins to attach printed pictures of eye makeup, nail designs, recipes, crafts, and more to your clothes. You’re Pinterest. You can even carry around extra pins and pictures to use on other people, if that’s your sort of thing.
4. Dress normally. Whenever anyone asks where your costume is, tell them, “I’m a GIF!” and then perform an action on a loop until they back away.
5. Throw on some footed pajamas. If you can, put your hair in pigtails. Grab a stuffed animal or a blankie and spend the evening in comfort as a kid. While all of those sexy groundhogs are freezing their cheeks off, you can snuggle in comfort and superiority. You can even go the character route.