New Year’s Eve, and the unattainable expectations that come with it, is almost here! Just one more sleep and then NO MORE SLEEP TIL MIDNIGHT. Sure, some of you might go out partying, drinking, attempting to snag a kiss from that perfect someone at midnight, thus creating the beginning of your personal love story from the ages. The rest of us can settle in with a bottle of wine (or three) and watch these movies about people other than us cavorting, getting murdered, and adventuring over the course of one night.
Preston (Ethan Embry) has just one night to profess his love to long-time high school crush Amanda (Jennifer Love Hewitt) before he leaves for a summer workshop in Boston with Kurt Vonnegut.
Watch this if: You want to reminisce about high school in the 90s, muttering to yourself, “I knew someone like that. I used to have that shirt. Oooh. I love this song.”
Six strangers are invited to a party with the mysterious Mr. Boddy hosting. People begin to die and the guests must find the killer before it is too late! Seriously though, I don’t need to explain the plot to you, do I?
Watch this if: You have a long-standing crush on Tim Curry. Or Madeline Kahn. Or Lesley Ann Warren. Or Colleen Camp. Or Christopher Lloyd (I don’t judge. Much.)
Attack the Block
Inner-city punks defend their neighborhood from some invading aliens. Some muderous-ass motherf*cking aliens.
Watch this if: You’re craving some South London accents and don’t mind cheering for people you thought were real sh*ts just moments before. Plus ALIENS!
Night of the Living Dead
“They’re coming to get you, Barbra.”
Watch this if: You want to see some social commentary and the grandaddy of zombie movies. BONUS POINTS: Head over to Rifftrax and watch their glorious take on this horror classic.
Seth (Jonah Hill) and Evan (Michael Cera) share an eventful night while en route to a party where they expect to score with some ladies. Namely Jules (Emma Stone) and Becca (Martha MacIsaac).
Watch this if: You long for the McLovin’ touch and enjoy listening to people list how many foods are shaped like dicks. (The best kind.)
Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle
I can’t really add to this. Kal Penn and John Cho are seriously hot. I can add that.
Watch this if: You want to pinpoint the exact moment Neil Patrick Harris charged back into popularity after Doogie Howser. You also get bonus Ethan Embry has a man very changed from Preston. That Vonnegut workshop must’ve turned him into an insufferable prick.
Ronna (Sarah Polley) wants to make some quick cash to avoid being evicted at Christmas. This leads us to shirtless drug dealer Todd (Timothy Olyphant). We can stay there with him. The pause button is right there. MMmmmmmm.
Watch this if: You like watching a drug deal from different points of view and general debauchery. You enjoy Olyphant and a pre-Cruise Katie Holmes. You like to dance to remixes of “Magic Carpet Ride” by Steppenwolf.
A small town is infiltrated by killer klowns that want to wrap everyone in cotton candy and drink their blood with a krazy straw.
Watch this if: You’ve never experienced the glory of Killer Klowns and want to see the movie that made me terrified to answer the door for a good year or more.
Jodie Foster and baby Kristen Stewart are the victims of a home invasion perpetrated by
Jordan CatalanoJared Leto, Dwight Yoakam, and Forest Whitaker. The mom and daughter duo lock themselves in the panic room and fight through the night. And a diabetic seizure. SPOILER.
Watch this if: You want to see Kristen Stewart practice her vampire bite conniption fit or you enjoy people being trapped in small spaces.
Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman are spending an awkward night at his parents’ vacation home when they are targeted by masked murderers. Because they were home.
Watch this if: YOU NEVER WANT TO SLEEP AGAIN. HOLY SH*T. THEY JUST DID IT BECAUSE THEY WERE THERE. SWEET GODTOPUS IN A MANGER WITH HIS BABY EINSTEIN DVDS, IT SCARES THE INK RIGHT OUT OF ME.