With all this weekend’s activities, both the mostly good (mostly. We’ve still got more than a few issues, white women), and the how-is-this-even-possible?, we seemed to have overlooked one of the most momentous firsts in the Trump presidency: the first time Sean Spicer took to the White House briefing room, and fucking let us have it.
And by “it,” I mean clarifying for the American people that under no uncertain circumstances were Trump and his administration up for this job.
Yes, on January 21st, 2017, a glorious afternoon that will live in infamy, we got our first peek into what this past year would hold. It’s hard to remember now, but prior to Trump’s first day in office, a lot of us were terrified that he’d tear down all of our most important government institutions. And that because Republicans held both the House and Senate, no one would stop Trump from turning himself into a de facto dictator (actually we were half right). We all had to wait an agonizing 24 hours before Spicer set us straight on how this Presidency was going to go: They were going to lie shamelessly, and we were going to have to get used to a president who pissed directly on us and explained, “It’s not piss. There was no piss. There was no pee tape. You’ve got Crooked Hilary who paid all of these people through Uranium One — which if it had been me, it would have been much more than one. Believe me. I would have made China give us the Uranium, and I would have made them pay for it. And I wouldn’t have gone to Russia because there’s no collusion. Never been any collusion. Everyone who’s investigated it has called to tell me personally, ‘You are innocent. Everyone knows you didn’t do the collusion.’ Believe me. You can’t trust the fake media because they’re all out to get Trump. But if you know who to listen to — which Fox and Friends is a thing I’ve heard great things about. They’ve always been very nice to Trump. Because they know all the important work I’ve been doing. Out.”
A year ago, we maybe knew that Trump wasn’t intellectually up for the job, but we had no idea that his unmitigated incompetence would handicap his entire administration. (Which is, of course, not to say that Trump hasn’t ruined thousands of people’s lives through his gross racism and selfishness. He has, in his own way, done a bang up job of inflicting as much damage onto other people as possible. It’s just that his “possible” isn’t as effective as we thought.) And then Spicy came right out, and told us that this entire thing was going to be pure bullshit! He saved us the trouble of investigating whether Trump’s claims were true by allowing himself to blatantly lie on behalf of a serial liar who fired him after six months. Spicer weighed the options of retaining his self-respect and reputation and decided having a shred of dignity was less important than putting in half the time required for an annual performance review in what is unquestionably the worst administration in the history of the country.
So let’s make sure to set aside a little time each January to remember the giant favor Spicer did for all of us. Sure, it’s probably the Russia stuff that will eventually take Trump down. Or possibly the 2018 election, when he (hopefully) loses control in both Houses and won’t be able to push through even a shitty tax bill again. Or maybe his creeping mental deterioration will finally get the best of him, and he’ll have to resort to be the Executive Producer on Hannity. But all of this will just be the conclusion of what Spicer set in motion a year ago: He told everyone that this Presidency was going to be garbage nonsense that everyone with an interest in actual governing should disregard as much as possible. And I’m sure Sarah Huckabee Sanders would argue against that sentiment, but literally no one even gives a fuck what she says anymore, because everyone who works for Trump is full of bullshit.