Don't Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out, Theresa May
We knew it was happening and I wish we could feel happier about it, but she’s left us with such a sh*t-pile that I can’t even revel in her misery over this. That’s right, Theresa May is stepping down as Prime Minister on June 7. In a statement outside 10 Downing Street this morning, she said she had ‘done my best’ to honour the results of the 2016 EU Referendum. Ha. Then she said it was a matter of ‘deep regret’ that she had been unable to deliver on Brexit. Ha.
She even cried a bit. Ha.
May will stay on until a leadership contest takes place and the Tories pick a new leader, meaning they pick another unelected Prime Minister for us all to deal with. So yeah, we’re probably going to get Boris Johnson, because this catastrophe just wouldn’t have that special May flavour if she didn’t find new and horrifying ways to make the country suffer just that little bit more.
A lot of people will be tempted to feel sorry for Theresa May, especially after the waterworks display she pulled today. I’m sure there will be people who will use the line, ‘Yes, well I never agreed with her but I respected her as a strong woman’ or some t-shirt slogan crap like that. I hope these people, for the good of society, choose to shut up today. Theresa May was a horrendous Home Secretary who helped to foster anti-immigrant sentiment for years before Brexit happened. She was a major supporter of the so-called Snooper’s Charter, which would have required internet and mobile phone service providers to keep records of all customers’ messages, calls, and emails for up to a year just in case the police wanted to investigate them. She rejected the EU’s proposals of compulsory refugee quotas. She approved the infamous ‘Go Home or Face Arrest’ vans. The Windrush scandal is basically her fault. She ‘allowed state-sanctioned abuse of women’ at Yarl’s Wood detention centre. To paraphrase Glenda Jackson’s rousing speech she gave in Parliament after the death of Margaret Thatcher, to pay tribute to the second PM denoted by female gender, okay; but a woman? Not on my terms.
May’s tenure can be best summed up by the words of one of her fellow Tories and former allies, Matthew Parris. ‘She is mean. She is rude. She is cruel. She is stupid […] It’s crazy that someone like her would end up in a job where the most important thing is to communicate, answer questions, make decisions.’
And we don’t even get to enjoy her misery because she has irrevocably f*cked up this country by helping to usher in a new age of ultra-right-wing racism and xenophobia that will only get worse once she leaves because all the favourite candidates to replace her are somehow EVEN WORSE than she is.
Too early to start drinking yet?
Header Image Source: Getty Images.
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