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Mitt Romney, That's Not How Birthday Candles Work

By Kristy Puchko | Politics | March 13, 2019 |

By Kristy Puchko | Politics | March 13, 2019 |


Mitt-Romney-candles.png

Having just returned home from SXSW, this morning’s a bit rough. My legs are sore from running around Austin for a week. My voice is gone because Roxana and I did not throw away our shot to scream-sing-along when “You Oughta Know” came on at a party. My body yearns for the queso that’s just not as good anywhere else. And my brain is reeling from the effects of sleep deprivation leading to a full night of sleep so good, so deep I basically feel drunk on it. Which is to say that I’m out of sorts. So watching this video makes me think I’m still asleep. Because what the f*ck is Mitt Romney doing.

The Utah senator celebrated his 72nd birthday yesterday. And the first worrisome thing in this video is that “cake.” It’s not a proper birthday cake. It’s a stack of Twinkies, which might be endearing if this was Zombieland. But it’s not, so it’s not. It’s weird. Birthdays are for decadence and treating yourself and Romney’s indulgence of choice is a child’s snack that tastes about as good as birthday candle wax. Speaking of. The candles.

WHO BLOWS OUT CANDLES LIKE THIS!?

I know birther movements are very passé, but seriously, this video makes me wonder if Romney wasn’t born on another planet.



Kristy Puchko is the managing editor of Pajiba. You can follow her on Twitter.


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