film / tv / politics / social media / lists / web / celeb / pajiba love / misc / about / cbr
film / tv / politics / web / celeb


Here is the Only Way Out of This Dire Political Situation America Is In

By Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson | Politics | February 1, 2017 |

By Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson | Politics | February 1, 2017 |

Hi. My name is Dwayne Johnson. Many of you may know me better as The Rock.

I am running for the President of the United States.

I know that this may sound like a joke to many of you. But it’s not. I am throwing my hat in the ring for 2020. I am not running against Donald Trump. I am not running against whatever candidate the Democrats field. I am not running against anyone. I am running for the country. As an independent. I am running on a simple platform of compassion and civility.

You may ask why someone who has never publicly expressed a political opinion is running for office, and I will tell you that is exactly why I am running for the Presidency. I do not owe any obligation to either party, so I do not need to feel beholden to either of their platforms or their ideologies. Mine, again, is a simple platform based on civility and compassion. It is based on a desire to lift everyone up — rich, poor, young, old, black, white, American born or foreign born, gay, straight or transgender — to bring us together again, to make this country whole.

The fact that I have expressed so few political opinions I hope will help me in this effort because it is my hope not to advocate for the extreme positions of either party, but to find a middle ground between them both. It used to be possible to find some common ground, for each side to listen to each other, negotiate, and find a place in the middle that leaves everyone happy enough. I am running for the 70 percent of this country who wants to get along, who is willing to give a little to get a little. Who is nostalgic for dinnertime conversations that revolve around workdays or school, dance recitals, little league games, movies, TV shows, worship services, and celebrity gossip, instead of eating dinner fraught with anxiety about what’s going on in the news.

I am someone who has worked successfully with people from both sides of the political spectrum and who, I believe, has gained the respect of people from all political stripes. I’ve been a popular college football player. I’ve been a popular professional wrestler, and I have been a popular actor, but I have also been careful never to let my ego get in the way. I have had a lot of box office hits, and I have had a lot of box office bombs, but I have never been defined by ratings, by the number of people who go see my movies, or by the crowds that came out to see me during my football and wrestling careers. I am the same, big-hearted, caring person every day, whether Hercules makes $10 million at the box office, or whether Fast & Furious 10 makes $100 million.

There is one position where I will not bend, however, and that’s where it concerns compassion for everyone, from immigrants to low-income white people to the people of color in our cities, in our suburbs, and in rural America, to the people from abroad escaping poverty, famine, or brutal dictators. We live in a huge country, and there is plenty of space for everyone, and plenty of money and resources to go around, even if that means taking a little more from the extremely well off to help out the extremely unfortunate.

As Commander in Chief, I will refashion foreign policy to align with my own personality: I will use my strength and might of our military to serve the big heart of the American public. It’s important that we stand up for the little guy, but that in doing so, never become bullies ourselves. Bullying and bluster is the surest sign of insecurity and weakness, and it is not who we are. It sure as hell isn’t who I am. We have to be better than that.

Some of you may be wondering why I’ve announced my intention to run for the President of the United States only 12 days into the existing administration. There’s two reasons, actually. First of all, President Trump signed papers to begin his run for 2020 on Inauguration Day, so I am already 12 days behind!

More importantly, however, is my hope to use my popularity, my broad demographic appeal, and my name recognition to shift focus away from the ugly partisanship going on in D.C. right now and onto the themes on which I plan to run. I intend to hit the campaign trail immediately, and it is my hope that whatever cultural capital I have accrued over the years fighting Hulk Hogan or Vin Diesel is enough to attract both crowds and the media. It is also my hope that those crowds and the media might begin to absorb some of the lessons about compassion and civility that I plan to impart and apply them long before our next election rolls around.

I won’t run a negative campaign, because I don’t need to. I’m Dwayne Johnson. I will never begin a sentence with, “But my opponent …” I don’t need to tear anyone down in order to make myself look bigger.

God has also blessed me with a smile that has a calming effect on those around me, and I hope to put it good use over the next four years as I tour this country in an effort to bring us all back together. I want to rebuild us around a very simple idea that that a difference of opinion does not have to separate us, that within most of us, there is goodness, that we can put that goodness to use, and that we are a better country when we are united than when we let our leaders divide us.

I’m not asking for your vote now. I’m just asking you to listen. Give me four years to let me convince you that I deserve your vote before you make a decision. I’ll probably regret a few of the things I saw along the way, and in a campaign this long, there will probably be a backlash, and then a backlash to the backlash, but for the first three years, anyway, I’m not here to win your vote. I’m here to offer you hope, to remind you that there’s an alternative to this current political climate waiting in the wings. I hope that I can offer you all a light at the end of the tunnel.

I am Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, and I hope to be your next President of the United States. Thank you, God bless you, and God bless this country we love.

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

Hanlon's Razor as a Form of Serenity Prayer | Queen Bey Will Save Us All