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A White Person's Guide To Minding Your Own Business And When To Involve Police

By Jodi Smith | Politics | October 16, 2018 |

By Jodi Smith | Politics | October 16, 2018 |


Hi! I’m a white woman. A lot of focus in the media and on social sites has been on how white people react to people of color in various situations. I thought I would take time out of my day filled with shopping at Target, drinking a Pumpkin Spice Chai Tea Latte from Starbucks, and festering in my bubble of ennui and privilege to outline exactly how to handle interactions with people of color when you see them out and about.

1. Should I approach this black person that is rummaging through their trunk and accuse them of theft?

Stupid question! No, you should not harass them and accuse them of having improperly gained access to the trunk of a car and then ask to see their keys. How the fuck do you think they got into the trunk? Have you ever tried to break into one of the new trunks? You can’t even open half of those shits with a key, let alone without. Keep your happy ass walking to your destination and get a hobby.

2. I just saw a black man with two white children that did not seem to be in distress of any kind. Should I call the police?

Fucking hell. NO, LINDA. It is possible for black men and women to have biological children that appear white, first of all. Second of all, lots of families have trusted friends, sitters, nannies, or family members that assist in taking care of their children. NEWSFLASH: THEY MIGHT BE BLACK, HISPANIC, LATINO, SIKH, OR AN ARRAY OF PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT BACKGROUNDS. Just because your whole family has to drink a ton of milk to soften the spice of mayo-based potato salad doesn’t mean a black person in the company of white children is a kidnapper. GET A HOBBY.

3. A small child that is black just bumped into me in a store. I should definitely call the police and claim that he groped me in the store, right?

I’m going to start by saying you should be sterilized and then banned from interacting with anyone in public from now until we all die or start living underground 12 Monkeys style. You are a complete and total idiot, racist, and disgusting person. Watch where your big ass is while you’re in a store and give people — especially small children — the benefit of the doubt if they accidentally brush up, bump, or otherwise mistakenly make physical contact with you in a goddamned store. GET. A. HOBBY.

4. I can smell a barbecue happening in a public space where it is allowed, but the family is black. Should I…

NO. NO NO NO NO. Keep waddling to wherever you were going and inflict your horrendous personality on people that choose to be around you.

A good rule of thumb for white women looking to exert power over other people while in public is to NOT DO THAT. Are you upset because the privilege of the white male doesn’t transfer to you no matter how many fellow women you attempt to grind into a fine dust? Does it bother you that other groups of people exist alongside you when your husband ignores you in favor of jerking off to Trump rallies to “own the Libs”? Tough shit. Stop being complacent and stop expecting things to change when you fail to challenge the status quo in order to change your situation and that of others.

Are you angry that for all of the privilege you have from being a white male in America, you still failed to secure the American dream peddled by the richest 1% of the population? That has nothing to do with people of color and everything to do with the country’s wealthiest playing everyone else against each other.

Let people live and stop wasting everyone’s time with your flagrant abuse of whiteness and police to prop up your sense of self-worth and/or racist viewpoints. Ask yourself:

Is there blood?

Did you see an actual crime?

Is anyone in actual danger?

Would you step in if the person in question was white?

Once you take a real look at your intentions and start to fix what’s broken inside of you, you won’t need to get your kicks harassing people of color in public. You won’t block in a girl with an expired tag on her car and act like you have the right to stop someone from walking to their own apartment in the same building where you live. Focus on the real enemy, those living in houses with golden toilets, treating people like garbage and companies like people while extracting absurd amounts of money from every possible scheme.

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