The New Kate Middleton Conspiracy Theories Are In

Thanks to the eight billion headlines and accompanying photos like the one above, you’re probably very much aware that Kate Middleton made a surprise appearance at this weekend’s Trooping the Colour despite official announcements that her royal highness would be understandably absent. The bloody woman has cancer. I’ve skipped work events for less. Anyway, because Kate made the mistake of looking exactly like her normal self, we’re now being flooded by a new wave of conspiracy theories that she was never sick to begin with. Yup. And you know what? Go nuts. This is the price of royalty. The first batch of theories were on the palace’s comm teams, who are a bunch of nepotism hires that are wildly overpaid to do a clearly piss-poor job, and now, here comes the freshly laid landmines from that screw-up. If indulging in conspiracy theories about the royal family is how you get through this kick in the nuts called life, and you’re not teetering into QAnon shenanigans, I’m not about to judge you. Whatever gets you from AM to PM, I’ll do what I can to grease the wheels. Good talk.

Speaking of kicks in the nuts, I regret to inform you that the Olsen twins are 38. If anyone needs me, I’ll be staring off into the distance for the rest of the summer. (Lainey Gossip)

Billy Ray Cyrus’ divorce is going to be a journey (Celebitchy)

“I’ve met with pilots that look just like you, actually; OK, they have more of a crew cut. […] But these are perfect people, and they’re not conspiratorial, they’re not crazy. And they tell me stories that they’ve seen things that you wouldn’t believe.” (Wonkette)

From Roxana: This story about an evangelical weirdo hiring a hit man is wild. I don’t know what else to say about it. (Intelligencer)

And to keep the wildness going: Elon Musk’s Neuralink has been sued by a staffer who claims she got scratched in the face by a herpes-carrying monkey, only to be fired a day after she said she was pregnant. Yup, definitely sounds like an operation that should be putting microchips in people’s brains. Nothing to see here! (Bloomberg)

Brands are beginning to turn against AI. (Rolling Stone)

House of the Dragon heard your complaints about not being able to see a freaking thing that’s happening. (IndieWire)

From Nate: Bill Belichick is dating a cheerleader who’s literally 1/3rd his age. (TMZ)

Kissing Leonardo DiCaprio isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. (The Cut)

Somebody should probably check on the Stranger Things kids. (Page Six)

Cannonballer elisamaza76 is a published Buffy the Vampire Slayer expert, a Gargoyles enthusiast, and a fan of the enemies-to-lovers trope. Read Quick Questions with a Cannonballer for her book recommendations and to find out who from the 2004 reboot of Battlestar Galactica she would kiss, marry, or kill (Apollo, it’s always Apollo). (Cannonball Read 16)

From Kayleigh:

I've heard people talking about media literacy, but maybe we should be concerned with just… literacy. https://t.co/gV6AZFTsG4

— Mathew Buck (@FB_BMB) June 16, 2024