I went on vacation with spotty internet for a couple of weeks, and came back to Big Dick Energy having been a thing. And it’s now water-skiing in a leather jacket about to jump a shark (see I’m late. Nobody wants to hear that Henry Winkler has BDE but The Fonz does not. We’ve moved on). But while I was catching up, I thought about how patriarchal the notion of BDE is. That’s not the vibe I’m on right now. I’m more interested in GPE, that’s Good Pussy Energy (incidentally, The Fonz has GPE). And nobody embodies GPE better than my girl Lizzo. Lizzo knows she’s got the best pussy you’ll ever see, smell, taste, or touch. You want it, and she may let you play with it for a little while, but it’s going home with her.
Maybe it’s that Prince-flavored Minneapolis water she’s been drinking, but she’s definitely got the look. And much like Prince himself, Lizzo brings her GPE to everything she does. Since her debut album Lizzobangers dropped in 2013, Lizzo’s been serving up exquisite face, timeless bops, and of course, body-ody-ody. Don’t worry, Lizzo doesn’t mind if we discuss her body. That’s because if you think it’s anything other than a flawless masterpiece, you’re wrong. There’s no argument to be made otherwise.
Here’s what having that GPE can achieve: Just about whatever the fuck you want.
Want to freak on stage with Big Freedia at NYC Pride? You’re gonna need some of Lizzo’s GPE.
Lizzo’s GPE also means she has THE bop of the summer. We should all be listening to “Boys” on repeat until well after Labor Day.
Lizzo likes to play dress up. And she wears whatever the hell makes her feel sexy.
Even if it’s just a wig and her birthday suit.
If you got that Lizzo GPE, you get to walk RuPaul’s runway in your best B.A.P.S drag (you also have lots of B.A.P.S drag options just sitting in your closet).
And apparently, GPE gives you flawless skin.
Goddamn, who wouldn’t want to motorboat the fuck out of Lizzo.
A vote for Lizzo is a vote for celebrating yourself. Lizzo is the shit. She’s probably been told differently, but she’s not hearing it, and neither am I.
She’s inspired me to not listen to the haters, even when the most vicious and cruel ones are in my own head. Lizzo’s GPE is contagious. So if you see me on the beach this summer rocking my rolls in a bikini: You’re welcome.
Just remember: A Vote for Lizzo feels Good As Hell!