Out in Kentucky, where they sell firearms in the produce section of grocery stores (next to the Roma tomatoes), an Illinois man did not take kindly to a young boy kicking the back of his seat in a movie theater while he was watching Star Trek: Beyond. Kids are the worst. The man was only trying to relax, enjoy some air-conditioning, and do some additional research on his Sulu fan-fiction, and he paid $10 for two hours of solace away from the real world, is that so much to ask?
Of course, there are a few options when one is confronted with an annoying child in a theater. The man could have, for instance, turned around and politely asked the kid to knock if off. Chances are, his father would have been embarrassed about the whole situation, and this being Kentucky, the father might have taken his boy home and made him pick his own switch. (Been there!) On the other hand, the man could have asked a movie-theater employee to intercede and, perhaps, have the annoying boy escorted from the theater and his shoes forcibly removed from his feet and thrown into a bonfire.
Or he could have turned around, brandished a gun, and yelled, “What the f*ck are you going to do now?”
The answer to that question in this situation is always: Shit your pants.
The police report revealed no evidence of soiled dungarees. However, it did suggest that the man with the gun scared everyone else in the theater, who began running toward the exits before three men subdued the gunman and escorted him from the theater.
He’s expected to be charged today.
Humanity is the worst.