Werner Herzog Had To Get a Cellphone Because the Future Is Terrible

My wife and I had to get a baby monitor when our kids were born. We got one that was, like, $100 and could be easily set up. That’s because it was just a camera. There was no real “monitor.” We had to use our phones for that, and knew that going in. The monitors with screens were way more expensive, but we knew we needed to see what was going on, as one of this site’s owners assured me that my kids would try to climb into each other’s cribs at some point (never happened).

The monitor we purchased needed an app. We had to download it on our phone, and we could see the boys from there. This way, if they ever had a babysitter, we could even see into their room from afar. The dream, right? Nope! The app barely ever worked. We had the camera set up as close to our WiFi as possible, and it was still spotty as hell. I was promised an app with which I could view my darling children from midtown Manhattan if I wanted, but instead, I could barely see them in the other room.

I was very much on board for an app that connected my phone to the monitor. It seemed like an easy fix! But it wasn’t. Instead, it left us with an expensive hunk of plastic that only worked if we had the phone or a camera set up in a certain three-foot space. Since then, I’ve been against having to use apps for a product, unless it’s fast food. Burger King can have my information if it’s going to give me free fries with my purchase (though they no longer allow you to combine that with the trio deal. Cowards.).

The fact is, in certain instances, we have no choice. That is made clear by the fact that Werner Herzog, of all people, had to purchase a cellphone because he could not get his car out of a train station in Dublin without first downloading an app. One of our most prized creators was stuck thanks to technology! The nerve! He shared the story on a recent episode of Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend, and I’m not even going to pull any quotes, because you need to hear the man talk about it himself (it’s cued up below).

Ironically enough, I’ve had to use a parking app before and found it to be quite convenient as opposed to a meter. That said, there should always be other options available. I shouldn’t have to forfeit my information (which is what’s happening) as a price for existing in the world. Conan goes on to reference a litter box he has that is controlled by an app, and it sounds insane.

Herzog did make it clear that, while he now owns a cellphone, it’s strictly for the purposes of not being caught in any more situations like this, and he leaves it switched off. He hasn’t had to fully succumb to this horrible future just yet. However, please, no one tell him that he could likely find endless clips of Honey Boo Boo on TikTok. That might change everything.