The Onion Does the Funniest Thing Ever: It Buys Alex Jones' Infowars

Democrats did outrage for eight years, y’all, and it got us right back where we started: On the brink of another Trump Administration. Personally, I’m not doing it again. And it’s easy to speak truth to power. But if you want power to listen, use comedy as a Trojan horse.

That’s the approach The Onion aims to take in purchasing Alex Jones’ Infowars at a bankruptcy fire sale. The Onion, now owned by Global Tetrahedron, won in a bid that was supported by the families of the victims of the mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School, who sued Alex Jones for defamation and won a $1.4 billion judgment.

The new Infowars, which will launch in January as a “parody of itself,” will satirically attack the “weird internet personalities” that fueled the original Infowars. Moreover, InfoWars will use redirect funds “into our philanthropic efforts that include business school scholarships for promising cult leaders, a charity that donates elections to at-risk third world dictators, and a new pro bono program pairing orphans with stable factory jobs at no cost to the factories.”

Ben Collins, who goes by Tim Onion on Bluesky, had another reason for making the purchase:

Also, part of the reason we did bought InfoWars is because people on Bluesky told us it would be funny to buy InfoWars. And those people were right. This is the funniest thing that has ever happened.

— Tim Onion (@bencollins.bsky.social) November 14, 2024 at 9:35 AM

According to The Onion, they will cease the sale of vitamins and elixirs. I have no idea how we were going to counteract the chemicals the government is putting in the water that is turning the frogs gay now. I guess we’re on our own.