‘Stranger Things’ Loses the Streaming Wars to a Very Good Dog

How do streaming platforms make money? I’m genuinely asking. I assume it’s through subscription revenue, but that said, most of them now have built-in ads. Hell, we’ve even seen the rise of “freevee” channels like Tubi, which are basically just television channels that you can pick the schedule for. Since most of these services spend absurd amounts of money on shows and movies, they must get their money from somewhere other than the corporation backing them. So, I guess that’s why Nielsen ratings are still a thing.

Ole Nielsen now measures how many minutes people are streaming shows and movies, and this year, it’s up to a whopping 16.7 trillion minutes, according to The Hollywood Reporter. Frankly, that doesn’t sound high enough, but I’ll take it. People love to stream their shows; they’re doing it a lot, and given the buzz, you might assume that a certain show about kids battling monsters during the 80s would lead the pack. I mean, it certainly had everything going for it.

Not only did the new season of Stranger Things have massive anticipation from fans, but the episodes were long. They were not the length that many rumors insisted they would be (I remember one such story suggesting that they’d be two hours each), but they were still long, with the finale hitting feature film length. Additionally, there were plenty of rewatches leading up to the new season. I know I put season 4 on in the background during my day job in the days leading up to release. Regardless, those Hawkins kids got their clocks cleaned by Bluey.

I frigging love Bluey, man. I’ve become the dad who will fervently recommend the show about a small family of Australian dogs to any adult who will listen. The cartoon is sweet and funny and teaches kids valuable lessons. While one of my kids would definitely prefer something superhero-related for TV time, the other one is obsessed with Bluey and will choose it any chance he can. We even listen to the Bluey soundtrack during meals sometimes (it rips).

Eleven and her friends weren’t slouching, don’t get me wrong. They racked up an impressive 25.1 billion viewing minutes. That ain’t nothin’ to sneeze at! While I’m interested to see how the show’s cultural impact continues now that it’s over, it certainly had plenty of momentum and earned those numbers. Still, they aren’t s*** when compared to Bluey’s incredibly impressive 45.2 billion minutes! That’s almost twice as much as Stranger Things, and that’s only counting how much it’s viewed on Disney+. My kids will watch it on YouTube sometimes as well, and I’m sure others do the same.

What makes Bluey’s dominance even more impressive is that the episodes are, like, 8 minutes long. That’s nothing compared to runtimes of most streaming shows, let alone Stranger Things. That Bluey stands high above them all is a massive achievement, and a well-deserved one at that. Now, we get to see if that popularity extends to the box office when the movie releases in the summer of 2027. I know I’ll be there!

Oh… and my kids, too, I guess.