Psst, Wanna Watch Hugh Jackman Breathe Heavily for Eight Hours?

Raise your hand if you aren’t stressed the f*** out right now. If you did, go away, this isn’t for you. This is for the folks trying to make it through constant, unprecedented times. S*** sucks and it’s super f***ing stressful.

But ya know what might turn that around?

Ya wanna just watch Hugh Jackman dressed as Wolverine and standing still while he breathes heavily for over eight hours? You can! You won’t even have to leave this page because what I am talking about is very real, and I will include the video at the bottom. Marvel released it on their official YouTube page! They are posting it because April happens to be (looks at scribbled notes on palm) National Stress Awareness Month. Sure! I don’t see why not.

Hugh doesn’t stand perfectly still. He pops some claws and quickly recreates a famous Wolverine comic book cover about halfway through the video. Then he’s back to standing and breathing. Real heavy. I thought it was a weird computer-generated breath at first— like they animated a still photo— but I think he just breathed heavily once and they played it on a loop. Which, if that’s the case, c’mon, Hugh. Show some dedication. Stand there for eight hours and give the people what they want: your hot, heavy, Aussie breath.

I can’t even knock this, silly as it is. There’s a YouTube video that’s like six hours of Darth Vader roasting in Return of the Jedi on a loop and I leave it on the TV anytime I have a Christmas party. There are a lot of static videos like that on the ole YouTube. This one is just so f***ing strange. I can’t put my finger on it. His head almost seems separated from his bright yellow body(suit). If you look at it long enough his eyes feel like they’re screaming. Logan is always mad but he seems trapped!

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe the same boatload of cash that got Hugh to return as Wolverine included a clause that insisted he stand for eight hours and give all us dang-ass freaks a chance to watch our man huff and puff for as long as we want. Why not?! Why can’t we get one nice thing this year (that nice thing being the knowledge that Hugh Jackman was paid a large sum of money to wear a costume and breathe heavily for over eight hours straight, moving only once to do some cool s*** with his claws)?! If anyone knows the answer, don’t tell me. I am going to live in a different, some may say better, world.

Join me.