Pics of Jacked, Shirtless 62-Year-Old Ralph Fiennes Are Distressing

Even though there’s a “but” coming up, in no way am I trying to body-shame jacked Ralph Fiennes. I mean, the guy is built like a Mack truck. How do you even accomplish that at age 62, after your metabolism left ten years ago to join the circus and, for some reason, carbs start tasting even better as we age? It’s true. It’s science! RFK Jr. science, so you know it’s legit.

But, there’s something about ripped men over the age of 60 that makes me a little distressed. Like, dude: You’re Ralph effing Fiennes. Why are you putting yourself through this? And was it worth it to play Odysseus in a film called The Return, released last year, that no one saw or even heard of?

When I first saw he was playing Odysseus, I thought it was for Christopher Nolan, where he’d maybe play an older version of Matt Damon. But no: He’s already done it. This was last year. And the thing everyone remembers Ralph Fiennes for from last year is the movie where he played a pope and wore a robe, and no one got to appreciate the man’s oblique muscles in Conclave. The futility of it all! All that work! All that deprivation! And that movie made $800,000 at the box office.

At least he got to hang with Juliette Binoche, and I hope that after the movie wrapped, Fiennes found the nearest Italian restaurant and ate it. Everything. All of it.

Anyway, here’s Ralph Fiennes, cut as hell. It’s impressive, but just looking at the images makes me tired. Give this man a cameo in your movie, Nolan, so that all of this muscle doesn’t go to waste!