New Zealand Gang Goes On a Chicken Run

“If fried chicken is outlawed, only outlaws will have fried chicken.” That probably wasn’t the thought running through the head of two New Zealanders this past Sunday as they were arrested for transporting KFC chicken and coleslaw, but I like to think it was. Upon seeing a police car this past Sunday on the outskirts of Auckland, our pair of prowling poultry procurers pulled a uey and raced back the way they came. Reality not being a Kiwi knockoff of the Dukes of Hazzard, their brief flight was brought to a halt by New Zealand police. Upon searching the car, they found the two “gang associates” in possession of a bunch of empty ounce bags, NZ$100,000 (US$70,000), and enough illicit fried chicken and coleslaw to feed either a small family or two stoned college kids. There’s no word yet if the two were inspired by South Park’s “Cartman gets addicted to KFC” storyline, but chances are good.

The city of Auckland was under a complete lockdown after a single man in his 50s tested positive for Covid. He had traveled to other parts of the country before testing positive but had no obvious international connections. The rest of New Zealand was allowed to remain mostly open under Level 2 lockdown measures, so the dastardly dinner delinquents only had to make it out of the city to satisfy their crispy chicken craving. Restrictions are now easing, though more cases were discovered.

As you can imagine, Twitter is having fun with the news of New Zealand’s finest taking down the two snack smugglers.

We can now confirm that the KFC bust in New Zealand, was in fact, paranormal in nature. https://t.co/HIzmOkHnOg

— Wellington Paranormal (@WellyParanormal) September 21, 2021

Who has fast-food smugglers on their pandemic bingo card?https://t.co/tKqWeR64gx

— Paul McAuley (@UnlikelyWorlds) September 21, 2021

I hope @TaikaWaititi is already working on the screenplay…

New Zealand police arrest men trying to enter Auckland with "large amount of Kentucky Fried Chicken"https://t.co/W1Vid6PYUv

— Adrian McKinty (@adrianmckinty) September 21, 2021

The two face up to six months in jail and $2,800 in fines which, given the cash they have on hand - no doubt intended for more KFC, or perhaps Taco Bell\Pizza Hut - they can afford. Word on the street is the New Zealand Documentary Board is already working on a premiere television series documenting the rise and fall of the bird bootleggers, and why not? They’ve achieved folk hero status as them Duke boys did before. The theme song practically writes itself.

Just a pair of good ol’ mates
Maybe sellin’ some drugs
They were doin’ some drinkin’ and they got to thinkin’ some chicken’d be great

Fry up them birds
Remember the slaw
Eatin’ home-cookin’ is less fun than crookin’ so start up the car

Source: CNN, The Guardian, my imagination.