Ok, so look, all I know about basketball I learned from reading the back of the VHS of Space Jam, and from that one song by the 2000 Portland Trailblazers:
By that I mean I’m absolutely an expert on all things pertaining to the sport, and today my knowledge was expanded when I found out about “Roof Rat.” I’ll explain.
Earlier today I was alerted to the existence of “Roof Rat,” which is exactly what it sounds like. Roof Rat made his (I’m assuming he, because it’s the NBA, but I could be wrong here) big league debut last night during a press conference with Joel Embiid of the Philadelphia 76ers.
Philadelphia Eagles still the reigning Super Bowl champs for a few more days, let's check in with this fair city as it prepares to uh oh roof rat https://t.co/iZRjmmIKnJ— Caity Weaver (@caityweaver) January 24, 2019
Here is an actual clip of the press conference, because I want you to have nice things.
Look, for the entirety of 2019, our federal government has been in shutdown, people are being forced to work without getting paid, and yes, Donald Trump is still in office. So all I’m saying is that there’s an allegory here for us, pertaining to Roof Rat, but I’m not totally sure what it is—are we Roof Rat, looking for an escape, or are we Joel Embiid, witnessing the inevitability of a Roof Rat while we’re trying to simply exist?
I like the cut of Roof Rat’s jib, so I’m officially declaring him 2019’s mascot, but because a day in 2019 is like a month in 2014, we’ll all forget this happened by Saturday and start the cycle all over again!
When I brought this up on Slack, I was told “that’s so Philly it almost hurts.” Move over Frank Reynolds, King of Trash—Roof Rat, King of Rafters is here to take his rightful crown in the city of Brotherly Love and vermin in your walls and ceilings.
Honestly, the best part of the clip is watching the confusion turn to disgust turn to resignation on Embiid’s face as he realizes that there is a rat in the ceiling—it’s like he always knew it would come to this, but even though the day is finally here, it doesn’t make it easier to stomach. The other highlight being that someone calls out “roof rat” with a casual nonchalance as if it makes the entire situation bearable, because he has appropriately named what is going on. The fact that he came up with it so quickly leads me to believe that a “roof rat” is actually a thing in Philly, and if that’s the case, I’ll take LA with its coyotes any day of the week.
So what’s next for “Roof Rat”? Well, my sources tell me that he has challenged Gritty to a fight, because there can only be one supreme weird mascot in the sports world, and barring that, Roof Rat is primed to replace another rat as Anthony Scaramucci recently left the Celebrity Big Brother house, so there’s an opening. Hey-oh!
Ultimately what I’ve learned is that Joel Embiid is 7 feet tall (I looked him up!) and a very good sport about the whole thing, and I hope he wins points in his next game, mainly because if it weren’t for him I wouldn’t know about Roof Rat. Thank you, Joel!
Header Image Source: CBS 3 Philly