Man Loses Pet Snake, Donates Couch. You Know What Comes Next, Right?

By Kate Hudson | News | November 6, 2018 |

The world is a vast and wonderous place and I try very hard to not judge people based their life choices because I don’t know where they’ve been or where they’re going. You do you!

This holds true for basically anyone who isn’t a garbage person who promotes harmful beliefs …and irresponsible snake owners, because their kind makes the stuff of nightmares become reality.

Before you jump down my throat (or slither, since you love snakes so much) please note I said irresponsible snake owners. If that’s still a drum you wanna bang go right on friend, I’m steadfast in my opinion. So is basically everyone else in the world.

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Snakes are terrifying. They are ancient creatures who haven’t evolved in a millennia (I’m guessing, I refuse to do any research on this because I don’t want them to haunt my dreams tonight.) They kill their prey by literally suffocating them to death, and they don’t even wag their tail to greet you when you come home. What part of this creatures appeals to someone to keep around their abode, willingly?

Well, there’s at least one person in this world, and he’s a guy from Fort Worth, Texas who was heartbroken to learn that his snake was missing when he came back from vacation 6-months ago. Rather than lift up a couch cushion, our guy rapidly accepted that large albino boa constrictors frequently disappear out of thin air, and soon went about the healing process. For reasons known only to himself, he also decided to move, and donated various items that he didn’t intend to take to his new home…including his couch.

You know where this is headed, right?!

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Yup. Someone at Goodwill found the damn snake in the damn couch, and now I can never feel happiness again.

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The story has a “happy ending” if you’re into pet snakes being reunited with their owners who don’t think to look inside their couch for their pet snakes who could easily fit in there. For everyone else, the snake was returned to the person who lost him in a couch. Don’t go to any of this guy’s garage sales in the future, okay?