John Cena Has a Very Good Reason for Wearing Jorts While He Wrestles

Conan O’Brien has always been friendly to professional wrestlers. And by that I mean that he has had plenty of wrestlers on his shows over the years. Still, I never thought I would hear him utter the name “Doctor of Thuganomics.” If you aren’t familiar with this particular Doctor, it was the nickname for John Cena during his earlier years with the WWE. His character, at the time, would freestyle rap, and, look, it has aged about as well as you would expect.

I watched the 2003 Royal Rumble match with my family on Saturday night, and the Doctor was part of the contest. If you aren’t familiar with the Rumble, two wrestlers start in the ring and then 28 more enter, one at a time, until everyone has entered the ring. However, wrestlers are eliminated by being thrown over the ropes, and that happens pretty regularly, so don’t expect all 30 in the ring at the same time. Anyway, John Cena made his entrance during this Rumble, and it was painful.

He was rapping, as he did at the time, and it just kept going. Most of the entrances were over pretty quickly. The match works in such a way that the momentum has to keep going, and slowing it down can hamper things significantly (save for a big, fun spot). Much to our collective chagrin, Cena rapped during his entrance for what felt like ten minutes. It was rough. But the biggest thing that stood out to me was Cena’s outfit. Yes, he was sporting a jersey for the Houston Astros, my least favorite Major League Baseball team, but he was also wearing pants.

John Cena wrestles in jean shorts, or jorts if ya nasty. During a recent appearance on Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend, during which I heard Conan say Cena’s nickname, they started discussing Cena’s jorts, which Conan rightfully thinks are hilarious. “That was a process in itself,” Cena explained. He’d tried all manner of “urban” clothing in the ring, including the pants we saw him in on Saturday. But why did he land on jorts, which would become his in-ring uniform for around twenty years? Durability!

Yes, pro-wrestlers need to be able to move, and wearing shorts can be helpful with that, but Cena had tried other shorts in the past, and they kept blowing out at the crotch. And honestly, who among us has not had the same issue, huh?! You’re trying to hit a Five Knuckle Shuffle, or the Attitude Adjustment, and BOOM, them shorts just split open and expose your dance belt. Pretty embarrassing, if ya ask me!

I have the clip queued up to the shorts discussion below, but it’s worth listening to the whole thing. John Cena always speaks very eloquently about wrestling, so that in and of itself is worth it. But hearing Conan speaking about it with such admiration is also pretty great. Though I understand that may be a very specific niche for me and about a dozen others.