I Just Can't with John Goodman's Hair in 'The Righteous Gemstones'

I am a fan of HBO’s The Righteous Gemstones, and I thought the Bradley Cooper-led season premiere flashback episode was absolutely brilliant—even if the substance of it never circles back (though I suspect it might). It’s been a strong season so far, with Jesse Gemstone grappling with the rise of his gay brother, Kelvin, and Dr. Eli Gemstone’s eyebrow-raising affair with his late wife’s best friend, Megan Mullally’s Lori Milsap. The show remains gloriously unhinged, sharp-witted, and strangely heartfelt.

But, y’all: I cannot with John Goodman’s hair this season. That wig is awful, and it makes me supremely uncomfortable. I get what the show is going for with the character—I even understand it—but the man looks like he should own a parakeet and spend his evenings belting karaoke versions of “Cheeseburger in Paradise.”

It is hideous. Please, someone cut that man’s hair. I don’t buy for a second that Lori Milsap—fashion challenged as she may be—would be drawn to a man who looks like he hit his mid-life crisis 30 years too late. It offends my soul to see John Goodman forced to appear onscreen as a man who looks like he’s literally wasting away in Margaritaville. Sweet merciful heavens, that wig is a crime.

I can deal with the bad facial hair on this show. Hell, I can even appreciate it—it fits the world. But someone needs to find Eli’s lost shaker of salt and point him toward a barber. Walter Sobchak would die before letting that wig touch his head. Honestly, at this point, I’d welcome a full-blown mullet if it meant saying goodbye to whatever that is, although it occurs to me now that it may be exactly the hairstyle that charismatic sex machine Walton Goggins may still be donning in real life, well into his 70s.