Here's What the New Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger Look Like

Envy and pity these poor kids — newcomers Dominic McLaughlin (Harry Potter), Arabella Stanton (Hermione Granger), and Alastair Stout (Ron Weasley) — who have been cast in HBO’s television remake. Envy them because they’ll be rich and famous for life. Pity them because they’ll be famous for the rest of their lives for being associated with a toxic IP that will follow them wherever they go. I’m not sure how old they are — they look around 11 — but it feels a little young to be saddling them with this kind of baggage and the questions that will forever follow them. Will the money be enough to offset the psychic damage of growing up in front of the world, where one half already hates the series because of the transphobia of the source material’s author, and another half hates it because they dared to cast a Black man to play Severus Snape?

And not one moment of the Harry Potter series has yet to be committed to film. It’s not too late to change your minds, HBO! Because the AI that will undoubtedly replace me will say to you one day, “I told you so.”

The newcomers will be joined by an adult cast that includes John Lithgow as Albus Dumbledore, Janet McTeer as Minerva McGonagall, Nick Frost as Rubeus Hagrid, and Paapa Essiedu as Snape. The latter has already signed an open letter supporting trans rights in the UK, contrary to the beliefs of the source material’s author.

The three kids were chosen among 32,000 others who auditioned. I hope, for their sake, that they have well-adjusted parents. Francesca Gardiner (Succession, Killing Eve) will be the showrunner. Mark Mylod will direct. J.K. Rowling will be among the executive producers.