Dan Bongino Has Officially Been Replaced by a Better Dan

Dan Bongino is someone whom I was luckily not familiar with for most of my life. Despite being a member since 2007 (Jesus Christ), I had no idea that Bongino had such an enormous presence on Facebook. His conspiracy theories and manly nonsense were completely lost on me, and then he became co-Deputy Director of the FBI.

The current President tried to have “respectable” people in his first administration. There were some whackos, to be sure. Some hateful monsters who were out to make the country whiter and meaner, but they were (mostly) kept in check. The newest iteration is just full of raisin cakes who cut their teeth doing YouTube videos or practicing law out of a 7/11. Bongino fit that mold.

However, it became clear pretty quickly that the man was not only in over his head, but had potentially seen things that turned his whole worldview upside down. He ended up having a public war of words with the U.S. AG Pam Bondi about the Epstein Files, leaving his position, and backtracking to say that, actually, the current administration did everything right.

It’s all pretty embarrassing for Bongino, but not nearly as much as the reason I first heard his name: I Wanna Be at the RNC. The catchy tune by comedian and singer/songwriter Nick Lutsko lampooned the Republican National Convention and took aim at Bongino in particular. Lutsko would go on to work the former YouTuber into not only more of his songs but into the rich tapestry that is his comedic persona as well. Now, Bongino is out, and DeVito is in.

Lutsko released a new song in anticipation of his upcoming coast-to-coast tour, which kicks off in North Carolina this weekend. In the vid, Lutsko is shown crawling from beneath his home with his prized Webby, recounting Bongino’s failed time at the FBI, trying to escape the darkness. He finds the motivation to do so when his chants turn from “Dan Bongino” to “Danny DeVito.” And let’s be honest: who among us has not been pulled from the darkness by the director of Matilda at least once? Nick also takes a moment to dance on the career grave of Greg Bovino (and good, cause screw that guy).

Danny DeVito has an illustrious career and is one of those people about whom you can legitimately say, “This man needs no introduction.” But that’s not as fun, so I reached out to Nick directly to ask why DeVito is a good replacement for Bongino. The (alleged) former director of the FBI did not mince words.

“They are opposites in almost every way,” Nick told me via BlueSky message. “Bongino has always exhibited loser behavior, but this last year was so bad that I can no longer joke about wanting anything to do with him.” To think that Bongino was once (possibly) roaming beneath the stairs in Nick’s grandma’s basement, and now he’s been kicked to the curb in favor of a superior Dan.

You can watch the video below, then, if you’re feeling frisky, head over to Nick’s site here to see about getting some tickets to see him on tour. I saw him in 2023 in NYC (and will do so again this year), and it was a fantastic show. Fun, funny, and passionate. All words that describe Danny DeVito as well. It all adds up.

Official statement re: Dan Bongino

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— Former FBI Deputy Director “Big Nick” Lutsko (@nicklutsko.bsky.social) March 25, 2026 at 3:00 PM