Old School. Biblically Independent.
By Andrew Sanford | News | May 14, 2026
Hollywood can’t get enough of Conan O’Brien, that’s for damn sure. And by that, I mean that they enjoy having him rag on them once a year as host of the Oscars, something they have signed up for again in a move that sincerely surprised me. O’Brien felt like he was in more of a “screw it” mode while hosting the most recent show, which seemed more biting than in the last year. But, he’ll be back, and hopefully in more movies, like his turn in If I Had Legs I’d Kick You, and the one from the Please Don’t Destroy guys that I keep assuring my younger brother that I’ll watch. So, why not take it a step further?
At the latest Oscars, Conan dressed up as Weapons’s own Aunt Gladys, recreating the exhilarating ending of the film. It was hilarious and, honestly, deeply upsetting. Conan looked terrifying in all of that makeup and shocking hair. When added to his insane height, it created a pretty horrifying picture. So, let’s lean into that and get my boy his own franchise. Movie after movie of O’Brien, frightening audiences with his obscenely long legs and milky skin. Billie Eilish already has a perfect character picked out.
The singer/songwriter recently swung by Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend and, after discussing their shared dislike of their names growing up, Eilish remarked on how O’Brien’s freakish height was, in fact, an asset. She even makes him stand up at one point and stands next to him to show just how humongous he is. When she explained that he should use his height to elevate a costume, Conan suggested Frankenstein, to which Eilish countered with a pretty good (albeit more modern) answer: Slender Man.
Slender Man came to prominence on the internet at a time when I barely had a computer, but the character became such a part of pop culture that I would learn about him eventually anyway. He’s very tall, pale, and wears a black suit. That certainly checks a few Conan boxes! The biggest snag is that Slender Man has no face. It’s just smooth up there. If you can’t get O’Brien’s whacky expressions onscreen, why even bother using him?! So, a movie would probably be out (and that’s probably for the best). But, a Halloween costume as Eilish suggested? Why the hell not?
But I do think that they should leave Conan’s face as is. Make him paler (if that is possible) and maybe hairless (shudders), but we need to see that rubber face make its creepy smiles. If anything, Conan has the ability to make Slender Man even scarier!
