This Won't Save Your Pathetic Career, Zachary Levi

Many people voted against their best interests last week. Some were fooled. They were told that a billionaire cared about their struggles, and they believed him. Many were inspired and emboldened by said billionaire’s racist and misogynistic attacks. They saw themselves as marginalized and decided the best path to resistance was to sidle up to someone who promised to hurt his enemies, which he assured them were mutual. It boils down to people blaming their problems on “others” and believing someone who has never helped anyone but himself would help them.

However, a subset of Trump supporters cannot be overlooked. They are not successful grifters like Elon Musk or Robert Kennedy Jr. I speak not of the poor and disenfranchised who are about to have the rug pulled out from under them and don’t realize it (or don’t care). Today, I am talking about the painfully mediocre. Some people would simply fade away like a rancid fart if given enough time. They offered little value before, yet found a way to cling to relevancy by jumping on the Trump Train as it dragged itself into the station.

There is a chance you know someone like this personally. You had forgotten about them, intentionally or unintentionally, because they showed their whole ass one too many times. They fought against their mediocrity by presenting themselves as content, even though you could see their world falling around them. Watching them was embarrassing, and then seeing them cozy up to Trump for the shitiest of reasons just so they could be a part of something successful cranked that embarrassment up. If you don’t know someone who fits this description, may I offer you a buttery, bitter white (Zachary Levi)?

I’d be lying if I said that Levi has always been disliked. The actor had a great run on TV. He allowed himself to be the butt of jokes while keeping up a happy, “nice guy” persona. Some were not fooled by his obvious “Christian Youth Pastor” energy, but it went right over my head. I saw someone who I thought was moderately funny but at least seemed like a good dude. Then, Shazam 2 was released, and Levi lost his damn mind. My guess is it had been lost for some time, but the failure of his second superhero movie brought out the worst in the actor, as he sought to blame others for his failures (oh, hey, look, a pattern).

Levi’s love of Jesus (but he’s not religious, guys) and his hatred of vaccines came to the forefront with a fury (of the Gods). He stumped for RFK Jr. and then Trump. The second-hand embarrassment was real, primarily because it seemed like Levi would disappear after Trump lost, just like the rest of the rizzless wonders in his campaign. But Trump didn’t lose, and now the mediocre Levi feels emboldened. He got his first win since 2019, and he’s doubling down in the most goober way possible.

Some neckbearded Bitcoin loser went on the white supremacist circle-jerk that is X and said that someone would make a fortune making anti-woke movies with anti-woke actors. First and foremost, The Daily Wire can’t be successful with that exact business model and they even have Danny Trejo. The idea that this will suddenly work is asinine. However, since Levi has “Guy Who Has Eagerly Eaten An Ookie Cookie Because He Thought He Would Impress People Who Hate Him” vibes, the actor hopped in to concur with this dude’s dumb assessment.

“Would you want to invest in a new studio that would be dedicated to that very endeavor? Because that’s precisely what I’m doing,” Levi wrote, following up his pathetic plea with a celebration hands emoji. Setting aside that a studio built on anti-wokeness won’t work, it certainly can’t revitalize a corpse. It wouldn’t even be his first attempt at such a feat. Levi couldn’t get Middle America to turn up for a movie about Kurt Warner for Zod’s sake. It was released during a pandemic, but it’s not like his target audience was the one avoiding crowds. I know I live in a bit of a political echo chamber, but so does Levi, and the people in his won’t support him either.

An anti-woke studio is not a novel idea; it’s just a dumb one. Plenty of “anti-woke” actors work all the time. “Anti-woke” movies get released and do well (Sound Of Freedom made a quarter of a billion dollars). Levi probably knows this, but clinging to dumb ideas is all he has left. He’s tall and white, so he’ll still show up in “regular” movies. But he is not Chris Evans, even if he thought he would be. Hell, he’s not even Tim Allen. He’s a loser who happened to bet on the right horse. That won’t fix his already floundering career, but it might put it on life support.

Could I be wrong? Sure! White men fail upward in Hollywood constantly. It’s a feature, not a bug. But, if making “anti-woke” content magically turns Levi into a bankable star, it won’t be because he’s good at what he does or for making interesting things. It will be because he hopped on the culture war train. He will succeed because of the color of his skin and not the quality of his work.