March is a pretty great month for Hulu and Amazon Prime, and a kinda meh month for Netflix. And as we all know, when you play the Game of Streaming, you win or… well, you keep doing fine because you’re f*cking Netflix.
This month, Hulu is finally launching Shrill (3/15), which tells the story of a woman who wants to change her life… but no, she DOESN’T want to change her weight, OK? It stars Aidy Bryant, and is based on the book by Lindy West, and I am very much looking forward to everything about it. Including the fashion, because I’m always firmly in favor of rainbow sequins. Also launching this month is a new anthology series called The Act (3/20), which will dramatize the kinds of true crime stories that you’d probably prefer to pretend are actually fiction, if only for your own sanity. The first season will tell the story of the toxic relationship between Dee Dee Blanchard (Patricia Arquette) and her daughter Gypsy (Joey King) — a relationship that ended in murder. Oh, and Hulu also has the latest installment of their monthly horror series, Into The Dark, landing today. It’s called “Treehouse,” it stars Jimmi Simpson (MCPOYLE!), and… well, they had me at McPoyle.
Look, you all know how much we love Kate Beckinsale, right? And today her new show, The Widow, lands on Amazon! Also starring Alex Kingston and Charles Dance, the series tells the story of a woman (Beckinsale) who heads to the Congo to try and find out if her missing husband is dead or what. So, a mystery! Also on the topic of marriage: Catastrophe, starring Rob Delaney and Sharon Horgan, is returning for its fourth and final season (3/15)! And finally, I’m riddled with conflicting emotions about badass-girl-on-the-run movie Hanna being turned into a show, but I’m trying to keep an open mind, and if nothing else The Killing’s Mireille Enos and Joel Kinnaman both star, so that’s kind of interesting? Anyway, it launches on 3/29.
Mostly this month you’ll get a lot of returning shows, like Arrested Development: Season 5 B (3/15), Queer Eye: Season 3 (3/15), Santa Clarita Diet: Season 3 (3/29), and — I sh*t you not — Trailer Park Boys: The Animated Series, which apparently is just a continuation of the show but as a cartoon now. Also new this month is the Idris Elba Dj Nanny series, Turn Up Charlie (3/15), and a couple of interesting new movies based on true stories: The Boy Who Harnessed The Wind (3/1), written and directed by Chiwetel Ejiofor, is about a 13-year-old boy who builds a wind turbine to save his Malawian village from famine, while The Highwaymen (3/29) is about the former Texas Rangers, played by Kevin Costner and Woody Harrelson, who brought down Bonnie and Clyde. And we can’t forget that Mötley Crüe biopic, The Dirt (3/22)! And finally, there’s a new show called The Order that’s premiering on 3/7, and it looks RELENTLESSLY SILLY, but I am totally gonna watch the hell out of it because duh, college secret society magic stuff!
Coming in March (Originals in BOLD)
On My Block: Season 2— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
In the wake of a tragedy and Jamal’s valuable discovery, the friends lean on each other like never before as they deal with the repercussions.
A Clockwork Orange
Budapest (FR)— NETFLIX FILM
Two friends quit their boring jobs to start a company that plans bachelor parties in Budapest. Their wives, however, have mixed feelings about this.
Cricket Fever: Mumbai Indians— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
In the world’s toughest cricket league, every game is a battle. Can Mumbai Indians come together and bring home another trophy?
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Disney’s Saving Mr. Banks
Larva Island: Season 2— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
A new season of hilariously zany adventures for larva pals Red and Yellow includes an invasion of their island!
Losers— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
In a “winning is everything” society, how do we handle failure? Using sports as its guide, this documentary series examines the psychology of losing.
Music and Lyrics
Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist
Northern Rescue— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
After the sudden death of his wife, search and rescue commander John West relocates with his three kids to his rural hometown of Turtle Island Bay.
River’s Edge (JP)— NETFLIX FILM
High schooler Haruna befriends loner Yamada, then is drawn into the tangled relationship between him, a model, and the girl who loves him unreasonably.
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind— NETFLIX FILM
Inspired by a science book, 13-year-old William Kamkwamba builds a wind turbine to save his Malawian village from famine. Based on a true story.
The Hurt Locker
Wet Hot American Summer
Your Son (ES)— NETFLIX FILM
After his son is brutally beaten outside a nightclub, a surgeon takes the law into his own hands and seeks vengeance against the perpetrators.
Romance is a Bonus Book (Korea) (Streaming Every Saturday)— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
A gifted writer who’s the youngest editor-in-chief ever at his publishing company gets enmeshed in the life of a former copywriter desperate for a job.
Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj: Volume 2 (Streaming Every Sunday)— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Hasan Minhaj returns with new episodes every Sunday, bringing his unique, unexpected comedic perspective to current global events and culture.
Disney’s Christopher Robin
Secret City: Under the Eagle: Season 2— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Journalist Harriet Dunkley finds herself enmeshed in a conspiracy while striving to clear the name of a former cellmate accused of murder.
The Order— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Out to avenge his mother’s death, a college student pledges a secret order and lands in a war between werewolves and practitioners of dark magic.
After Life— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Struggling to come to terms with his wife’s death, a writer for a newspaper adopts a gruff new persona in an effort to push away those trying to help.
Bangkok Love Stories: Hey You!— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
A loving couple become rivals when Belle opens a fusion bistro next to her ex-boyfriend Kram’s traditional restaurant in Bangkok’s chic Ari district.
Bangkok Love Stories: Innocence— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
From a teenage parkour enthusiast to a bawdy restaurateur, an eclectic group of characters find romance in Bangkok’s glittering Silom district.
Formula 1: Drive to Survive— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Drivers, managers, and team owners live life in the fast lane — both on and off the track during one cutthroat season of Formula 1 racing.
Hunter X Hunter (2011): Seasons 1-3
Immortals— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Driven by revenge, human-turned-vampire Mia sets out to vanquish Dmitry, a ruthless vampire leader who seeks an artifact that grants immortality.
Juanita— NETFLIX FILM
Fed up with her life, Juanita leaves her grown kids behind and hits the road in search of a fresh start.
Lady J (FR)— NETFLIX FILM
When her love affair with a lustful marquis takes a sudden turn, a wealthy widow concocts a scheme to get revenge — with help from a younger woman.
Shadow— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Haunted by a tragic loss, an ex-cop with a rare inability to feel pain strikes out on his own to catch offenders who’ve eluded Johannesburg police.
Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams
The Jane Austen Book Club
Walk. Ride. Rodeo.— NETFLIX FILM
In the wake of an accident that leaves her paralyzed, a champion barrel racer is determined to get back on her horse and ride again.
Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Jimmy Carr has gathered a selection of his very best jokes for the ultimate comedy special. A man who has devoted his life to crafting perfect gags and brutally brilliant one-liners, Jimmy’s new show distils everything we love to laugh at and be shocked by into one incredible stand-up special. Featuring clever jokes, rude jokes, and a few jokes that are totally unacceptable. Filmed at The Olympia Theatre in Dublin, Ireland, “The Best of, Ultimate, Gold, Greatest Hits” launches globally on Netflix, Tuesday, March 12th. Carr is also the host of the Netflix original show, “The Fix.”
Terrace House: Opening New Doors: Part 6— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Kaito and Risako hang out with their housemates while Yui and Aio try to decide their next steps. Nothing is certain except their bonds of friendship.
Triple Frontier— NETFLIX FILM
Struggling to make ends meet, five former U.S. soldiers set out to steal millions from a drug lord’s lair — and end up with a target on their backs.
Arrested Development: Season 5 B— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
As the Bluths continue to make a mess of their personal and professional lives, Michael again can’t quite abandon the family that makes him miserable.
Burn Out (FR)— NETFLIX FILM
When his son’s mom runs afoul of Paris’s criminal underworld, a thrill-seeking superbike racer begins moonlighting as a drug courier to clear her debt.
Dry Martina (AR)— NETFLIX FILM
An odd encounter with a fan and a tryst with that fan’s ex-boyfriend leads a sexually adventurous singer on an escapade in Chile.
Girl (BE)— NETFLIX FILM
With the support of her father, a 15-year-old transgender girl pursues her dream of becoming a professional ballerina. Winner of the Camera d’Or for best first film at this year’s Cannes Film Festival as well as the Best Actor Prize for Un Certain Regard, the FIPRESCI International Critics Award for Best Film (Un Certain Regard) and the Queer Palm. The feature directorial debut of Lukas Dhont, the film was written by Dhont and Angelo Tijssens, and produced by Dirk Impens (Menuet). Girl stars Victor Polster and Arieh Worthalter.
If I Hadn’t Met You— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Eduard, a husband and father who loses his family in a tragic accident, travels to parallel universes to seek a better fate for his beloved wife.
Kung Fu Hustle
Las muñecas de la mafia: Season 2— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Lucrecia, Brenda and Olivia are once again entangled in the world of the drug lords as Janeth and Martha are introduced to its dark dangers.
Love, Death & Robots— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
An animated anthology series presented by Tim Miller and David Fincher.
Paskal (MY)— NETFLIX FILM
Naval unit PASKAL is among the most elite special forces in Malaysia. But all bets are off when one of its own stages a hijacking. Based on true events.
Queer Eye: Season 3— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
The Fab Five hit the road and head to Kansas City, Missouri, for another season of emotional makeovers and stunning transformations.
Robozuna: Season 2— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Ariston, Mangle and the Freebot Fighters are back, but protecting their home gets tougher when evil Danuvia unveils a powerful robot named Dominatus.
The Lives of Others
Turn Up Charlie— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
A down-and-out DJ plots to rebuild his music career while working as a nanny for his famous best friend’s wild 11-year-old daughter.
YooHoo to the Rescue— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Five cuddly pals from the magical land of YooTopia use teamwork and special gadgets to help animals in trouble and make new friends along the way!
Green Door— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
A troubled psychologist returns from the U.S. and sets up a clinic in Taiwan, where mysterious patients and uncanny events shed light on his murky past.
Amy Schumer Growing-- NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Amy Schumer gives a refreshingly honest and hilarious take on marriage, pregnancy and personal growth in her new Netflix comedy special, Amy Schumer Growing. Filmed in front of a packed house in Chicago, the comedian talks about the joys of womanhood, settling into marital bliss, and yes also you guessed it, sex!
Antoine Griezmann: The Making of a Legend— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
With heart and determination, Antoine Griezmann overcame his small stature to become one of the world’s top soccer players and a World Cup champion.
Carlo & Malik— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
A veteran homicide cop is forced to confront his own biases when he’s paired up with an Ivory Coast-born rookie on a string of murder cases in Rome.
Charlie’s Colorforms City— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Loveable, hilarious Charlie leads you on unpredictable and imaginative shape-filled story expeditions alongside a colorful cast of characters.
Delhi Crime— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
As Delhi reels in the aftermath of a gang rape, a female police officer leads an eye-opening search for the culprits in this retelling of true events.
Historia de un crimen: Colosio— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Dramatization of Mexican presidential candidate Luis Donaldo Colosio’s 1994 assassination. Part of an anthology on unsolved crimes in Latin America.
Mirage (ES)— NETFLIX FILM
A space-time continuum glitch allows Vera to save a boy’s life 25 years earlier, but results in the loss of her daughter, whom she fights to get back.
Most Beautiful Thing— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
A sheltered woman moves to Rio to start a new life and a journey of self-discovery among the dreamy views of the city’s beaches and hills.
ReMastered: The Miami Showband Massacre— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Ambushed by Ulster loyalists, three members of the Miami Showband were killed in Northern Ireland in 1975. Was the crime linked to the government?
Selling Sunset— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
The elite real estate brokers at the Oppenheim Group sell the luxe life to affluent buyers in LA. The drama ramps up when a new agent joins the team.
The Dirt— NETFLIX FILM
In this dramatization of Mötley Crüe’s no-holds-barred autobiography, the band hits the monster highs and savage lows of heavy metal superstardom.
Nate Bargatze: The Tennessee Kid— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Comedian Nate Bargatze takes aim at the absurdity of everyday life in an approachable and deadpan stand-up set shot in Duluth, Georgia.
Ainori Love Wagon: Asian Journey: Season 2— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
The love wagon rides again! Seven strangers board the famous van on a journey through Asia in search of a ticket home to Japan with a partner.
15 August (IN)— NETFLIX FILM
Veteran Bollywood actress Madhuri Dixit turns producer for this lighthearted snapshot of life in the chawls of Mumbai.
Bayoneta (MX)— NETFLIX FILM
A retired Mexican boxer living alone in Finland gets a shot to redeem himself in the ring, forcing him to confront his painful past in the process.
Osmosis— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
In a near-future Paris, an app uses personal memories to decode the mysteries of love. But what happens if your memories, like all data, are subject to manipulation?
Santa Clarita Diet: Season 3— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Sheila searches for meaning, Joel investigates a secret society, and Abby struggles with her feelings for Eric. Life and undeath can be so stressful.
The Highwaymen— NETFLIX FILM
The outlaws made headlines. The lawmen made history. From director John Lee Hancock (The Blind Side), THE HIGHWAYMEN follows the untold true story of the legendary detectives who brought down Bonnie and Clyde. When the full force of the FBI and the latest forensic technology aren’t enough to capture the nation’s most notorious criminals, two former Texas Rangers (Kevin Costner and Woody Harrelson) must rely on their gut instincts and old school skills to get the job done.
The Legend of Cocaine Island— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
A businessman who is down on his luck hatches a plan to retrieve a mythical $2-million stash of cocaine from its reported hiding place in the Caribbean.
Traitors— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
As World War II ends, a young English woman agrees to help an enigmatic American agent root out Russian infiltration of the British government.
Tucker and Dale vs. Evil
How to Get Away with Murder: Season 5
El sabor de las margaritas— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
While investigating the disappearance of a teen girl in a tight-knit Galician town, a Civil Guard officer uncovers secrets linked to a loss of her own.
The Burial of Kojo
Trailer Park Boys: The Animated Series— NETFLIX ORIGINAL
The trailer park just got a lot weirder. Picking up where Season 12 left off — and higher than ever — the entire gang has turned into cartoons.
Header Image Source: Hulu