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The Darkness is Nigh. The End is Near. Ark Music Factory Strikes Again.

By Courtney Enlow | Music | October 15, 2013 |

By Courtney Enlow | Music | October 15, 2013 |

…I don’t even know. I’m at such a loss.

Remember that time I watched Batman & Robin and everything went wobbly and I nearly had to be institutionalized? This is kind of like that. Less nipples, but a lot like that.

I hope you’re happy, Alison Gold’s parents, who paid a lot of money to make this happen and are probably monsters.

Like…*shakes head to stop the demons screaming* I genuinely believe “Friday” was a fluke, not intended to make the viral splash that it did. And, now, obviously everything that’s come after has been designed for the sole purpose of inciting general YouTube youtubery. But…like…that’s a kid. And I don’t think she’s in on the joke…And there’s a panda…and rainbow noodles…And racist? I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE I AM. MY LAPTOP IS DARK AND FULL OF TERRORS. AND I’M FUCKING HUNGRY FOR SOME DAMN CHINESE FOOD.

Why do you have to be like this, internet? Why couldn’t you just be cat videos and pervy chatrooms like the good old days? These are the bad times. The baddest of times. HOLD ME.

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