I know, I know — cracking jokes about about how millennials just looooove their overpriced avocado toast is so 2017. And yet, there is some kernel (pit?) of truth at the intersection of avocados and young people — something that turns a perfectly fine fruit into a parody of all the shortcoming of an entire generation. Something that is so inescapable, it permeates even the stories we hear about avocados, from the uptick in avocado-related hand injuries to Food & Wine’s recent coverage of an upcoming (I shit you not) avocado-themed pop-up museum in San Diego that will be called… “The Cado.”
You, there. Quit giggling. I haven’t even gotten to the good part. Here, then, are some quotes I’ve pulled from the article, just to illustrate that it’s apparently impossible to either conceive of an avocado experience or to talk about one without it sounding like some stereotypical millennial-baiting garbage. Emphasis mine:
The Cado is constructed from 16 shipping containers and will feature seven rooms, all dedicated to a different sensory experience. Some touted features so far include walls made from the skin of avocados in various states of ripening, a cassette which tells the story of the avocado’s journey from trees to the grocery store, and even promises to showcase (using a method that is still unclear) the smell of an actual avocado grove.
Forget vinyl — The Cado’s got that shit on CASSETTE! Because they are literally handing out Walkmans when you enter!
But look — learning about ‘cados sounds like hungry business. Can you eat while you’re there?
While the full menu hasn’t yet been revealed, according to The Cado’s Instagram page, you’ll be able to eat “avocado fare that is California AF.”
Something about the way they’re saying “California AF” makes it sound like an insult. Or a threat. A thrinsult.
So yes, you can probably pick up a slice of overpriced avocado toast while you’re there, but what other life-necessities do these pop-up experiences provide? Opportunities for the kind of joyful, colorful Instagram shots that make the summer heat more bearable, of course.
Y’all. Instagram is now a life necessity. Fuck. I give up.
Anyway, I actually have some avocado to eat for lunch so I gotta skedaddle. But if any of you manage to make it to The Cado this summer, please share all of your colorful Instagram pics with us. Especially those Walkman selfies.