The Sky Is Falling and Other Irregularities in the Heartland

During the 2022-2023 school year I was a parent volunteer in my kid’s school library. Every week at least six kids from different grades would come in and ask if we had any books about Ohio. I would point them toward the geography shelf and ask, “Why Ohio?” Middle schoolers don’t ever really have an answer for anything besides a shrug and a mumbled “I dunno, just cause.”

When they came to the desk to check out their book about Ohio they’d ask me if I knew anything interesting about the state. And, with apologies to all of the Ohioans, I could never think of anything.

That interest in Ohio stemmed from this 2016 Tumblr meme:

It grew and evolved on Tumblr until it escaped containment and moved to TikTok, where it went global.

@thewritechloe Replying to @user2309441596537 the “only in Ohio” meme trend explained - this one’s fun but super weird 😂🫣 i love a good internet conspiracy. If you’ve been wondering about all those Ohio comments going around, this should help! #tiktoktrendsexplained #trendsexplained #ohiomemeexplained #onlyinohio #onlyinohio💀 #thewritechloe #context #chloebarnes ♬ original sound - Chloe the TikTok explainer

Gen Alpha ran with it, and eventually, “Ohio” became part of their brain-rot meme culture. I’m sure that’s what the Ohio tourism industry always imagined for itself.

Ironically, things are actually happening in Ohio this month that would interest 7th graders. I hope those kids from my library days are happy.

First of all, Afroman. The hero none of us wanted. Sure, he’s kind of MAGA adjacent. But, he stuck it to the Ohio cops who raided his home under false pretenses and refused to return the property they took from him. It’s just a great story that perfectly vibes with his 2020 debut hit. If I never learn anything else about Afroman, I will know enough from all of this.

Also this month, there have been a couple of notable meteor sightings over Ohio. The American Meteor Society has 140 eyewitness reports of a 7-ton, 6-foot diameter meteor exploding over Northeast Ohio on St. Patrick’s Day.

Another meteor was spotted over Northwest Ohio last night. That brings the total number of meteors spotted over the United States in March to four, and there have been ten spotted since the beginning of February.

Is this our life now?

The greatest story coming out of Ohio this month is the multiple Bigfoot sightings.

Before we get into the Bigfoot vs. Sasquatch debate, The Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization explains that “Sasquatch” is a name derived from the Halkomelem word “Sésquac.” It’s primarily used by First Nations people in the Upper Northwest and into Canada. “Bigfoot” is a journalistic term that originated in California and is widely used across the country. In Ohio, he’s sometimes known as “The Ohio Grassman.”

The Bigfoot Society Podcast posted this map of sightings on X on March 10th.

Since then, they’ve posted about new Bigfoot encounters every day on their Threads account.

If you have read as many issues of Time-Life’s Mysteries of the Unknown series as I have, you’re ready for someone to come forward with a verifiable Bigfoot sighting. We are waiting for our Don Ameche in Harry and the Hendersons moment.

According to The Columbus Dispatch, Ohio has a significant number of cryptids in residence. Those include Mothman, made famous in the 2002 movie The Mothman Prophecies, starring Richard Gere and Laura Linney. Ohio also has a Frogman and a Dogman. Surely not THE Dogman, though.

I guess something was interesting about Ohio all along.

2026 feels like the perfect year for asteroids carrying potential space aliens to fall and for cryptids to reveal themselves in North America. Chaos rules are in full effect until further notice.

Keep your eyes on the skies. And if you hear a whistle in the woods, don’t whistle back.