The holidays are upon us. Which means so too is the War On Christmas, once more sparked by the seasonal coffee cups at Starbucks. Because good Christians know that religious intolerance starts with your morning latte.
You might remember that in 2015, Starbucks had some seeing red when offered red cups without a barrage of holiday-specific graphics. #notallChristians took to Twitter to declare that not putting Santa—or at the very least a strong, God-fearing reindeer—on the cup meant that Starbucks was persecuting Christmas, and Christians, and the little baby Jesus while they were at it. Starbucks claimed they just thought the red design was more inclusive, “inviting customers to create their own stories with a red cup that mimics a blank canvas.” But you can’t be inclusive without including people whose direct focus isn’t Christmas, so that’s Christian persecution!
Last fall, Starbucks was at it again. This time they offered a limited-time green cup for “Unity.” But we all know what that means: the terrorists win and Christians are forced to live in fear of store clerks and strangers wishing them a “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas,” which the Bible sets down as the only appropriate greeting to be made after Halloween.
Well, this would not stand, not in TRUMP’S AMERICA! So as we readied ourselves for a holiday with all the hope an impending Trump presidency inspired, Starbucks revealed red cups that brought back the holiday decor, including snowflakes, which we take as an admission of their libtard guilt. But just when you thought it was safe to get a Unicorn Frappucino, Starbucks is at it again. This time, they are using Christmas to promote the gay agenda. Look at this cup and be shocked:
Are you not aghast? Are you not thinking of the children and how you will explain this to them? Are you confused what I’m even talking about?
These held hands embracing near a heart are CLEARLY lesbian hands because only women wear sweaters, and only lesbian women hold hands, and clearly Starbucks is trying to spread lesbianism to our children through their overpriced hot cocoa! DO NOT BE FOOLED! They won’t stop until we’re all gay, or at the very least no longer terrified of the very idea of gay people! Can you imagine!??!?!!?!?!?!?!
Rebel against this blatantly inclusive holiday message of love and acceptance. Get yourself a Keurig coffee machine instead. That’ll show those uppity liberals.