'Don't You Fuc*ing Dare!' People Who Need To Survive 2016

Listen. It’s been a tough year. The human cost of global conflicts and domestic troubles is ramping up savagely. If it seems, also, as if our heroes have been dropping like flies, it seems that way for good reason.

Put it this way: There are 44 days left in 2016, and while death is death and there is no real, material difference between 9pm on December 31st 2016 and 9am on January 2017, THERE ABSOLUTELY IS A REAL, MATERIAL DIFFERENCE. For our own mental health wellbeing, we just really fucking need some people to make it through.

You hear that, 2016, back the fuck up. Don’t even think about…

Bob Dylan, 75
Because you took Bowie, and you took Cohen. If you take Dylan, we will cease to be.

Joan Baez, 75
Because she is literally perfect and perfection belongs on Earth.

Morgan Freeman, 79
Because The Voice could narrate the horror show that’s been 2016 and we’d probably feel okay about it then.

Rip Torn, 85
Because goddamn it, this man is a survivor. We lost Larry. Artie can’t go.

Aretha Franklin, 74
Because *bows down*

Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen, 76, 77
Because we still need to believe in love.

James Earl Jones, 85
Because… I mean, do we need to say why?

Dolly Parton, 70
Because the world needs a steel-backed rainbow right now.

Toni Morrison, 85
Because holy shit have you seen how 2016 is ending? We need guidance.

Max Von Sydow, 87
Because you played for it before, Death. Back off.

Gene Hackman, 86
Because his is an irascible, mercurial nature that we might yet need.

Jean-Luc Godard, 85
Because Chabrol, Rivette, and Truffaut are gone and we need a living link back to where it all started.

John Williams, Ennio Morricone, 84, 88
Because with the right soundtrack we might still make it through.

Maggie Smith, 81
Because who else is gonna put the world in its place with a look?

Tina Turner, 76
Because you know you couldn’t even handle it if you took her.

Harry Dean Stanton, 90
Because we never wanna see a world where this man doesn’t appear in a random movie and completely steals it.

Betty White, 95
Because she is a national treasure.

Tom Waits, 66
Because, fuck, you’ve got us scared with the musicians; and we’re not sure how long Waits’ pact with the Devil is for.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg, 83
Because now more than ever we need strong women in strong positions.

Jack Nicholson, Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, 79, 76, 73
Because they’re The Greatest, and when they go, an era goes with them.

David Attenborough, 90
Because as long as he’s here the planet may still stand a chance.

Kirk Douglas, 99
Because how you can take something that has been here forever and would probably spit in your face if you tried?

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Jessie Wallace lives in London and plays music