Sometimes I don’t like to be touched. I’m not, like, anti-hugging necessarily. I just recognize that we all have our own boundaries in terms of physical contact, and mine excludes any hands-on contact that I can’t see coming. Literally — if you lay a hand on me from behind, I will drop to the ground and assume a defensive position, wildly lashing out with my limbs like a drunken angry sea anemone.
So naturally the promotional images for this weird-ass new travel pillow are triggering a lot of reactions from me. The sight of GIGANTIC FUCKING HANDS cradling sleeping people makes me want to punch and then puke (or maybe vice versa).
Meet MonPère, the posable travel pillow from Montreal that has been funded 3x over via an IndieGoGo campaign. Apparently I’m the only who sees this thing and thinks MURDERER. “Mon Père” is French for “My Father,” which also adds a whole other level of handsy weirdness to the concept.
Anyway — it’s a long, linear pillow made of flexible-yet-firm silicone inside a cushioned, washable sleeve. The cartoonishly proportioned hands on each end have a second layer of rods built into the fingers for added support. Here are just some of the ways you can let it
strangle crush cradle you while you attempt to snooze.
Look — the struggle to sleep while sitting upright in a plane, train, or automobile is real. I get it. And maybe I’m just overreacting, but no amount of neck comfort or rest is worth being palmed by a pillow named after Daddy. Not when I can just drool into my wadded-up hoodie like a normal person.
This has been your dose of judgmental consumerism for the day!