I’m not a fluent Redditor by any means. I’m barely a Redditor at all — I literally just signed up for an account today so I could subscribe to subreddits rather than trying to remember what they’re called (to then Google them). Specifically: I wanted to subscribe to the “/r/forbiddensnacks” community, where people post pictures of shit that looks delicious but is DEFINITELY not edible.
Sounds kinda silly, right? It is! It’s pointless in the extreme. And yet, as someone who is led through life not by the whims of my heart or brain but by the mercurial desires of my stomach, the frustration of seeing something you want to eat but can’t is very relevant to my interests. To be fair, some of the posts are more original than others. People in this subreddit still think Tide Pods look tasty, for example. And, like, yes — of COURSE you can’t eat soaps that are shaped like foods. Disappointment is an element of their very design.
But then there are posts that are almost sublime in the way they alter the way we view the world:
Some take your hungers and turn them into horrors:
And then there’s the topic that comes up again and again. Two simple words that, when combined, strike fear to my very core.
Thanks, Reddit. Now I have to cope with the fact that even a finely-sanded plank of wood makes my mouth water. But wait! There’s more!
You know what? Yeah, I’ll say it. I’d eat ‘em.
Screw you, Reddit, and bacon, and things that look like bacon, for making me realize just how weak I truly am. But I’m still not dumb enough to eat Tide Pods.