'I Am Jesus Christ' Introduces the World to the First-Person Savior

I’m old enough to remember when video games were a tool of the Devil. All that pixelated sex, violence, and idolatry warping young Christian minds. Turning them from upstanding young men and women with their purity rings and sock hops into depraved dope fiends in baggy pants, talking back to their parents.

But now there’s I Am Jesus Christ, a new FPS coming to Steam that promises to put you in the sandals and robe of the Big Man himself. Warsaw-based game developer SimulaM has promised a journey that takes us from the birth of humanity’s alleged Savior through his life, death, and resurrection. Take a look.

Approaching the trailer with an open mind that sets the subject matter aside, there are a few warning signs. The fact it looks like a Skyrim or Fallout 76 skin, for starters. The faded-color of the search function like Dishonored and several other games. The one gameplay mechanic for all Jesus’s actions. The voice-over that uses the word “things” 12 times, though that might be a flaw in translation.

SimulaM has hit all the Jesus power highlights here. Turning water into wine, dissipating storms, walking on water, and healing the lame. There are also (supposedly) satanic crystals hidden across Jerusalem that Christ must destroy for… reasons, and a final boss battle against Satan himself, winner take all. So far the best part of the game are, of course, the Twitter replies.

Why his hands white

— BlackPanthaa (@BlackPanthaaYT) February 19, 2023

Will this have character customization?? We are all made in his image right??

— Obabay90 (@Just_tyler14) February 18, 2023

Press X to impregnate Mary pic.twitter.com/OMnXrpdTO0

— Your Local Dingus (@Dinkalus) February 19, 2023

If you prefer building to proselytizing, you might be more interested in SimulaM’s next game, Noah’s Ark. Either way, all 10 hours of I Am Jesus Christ should be available sometime in the second quarter of 2023.