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'A Bear Doesn't Care': Jeff Bridges & Yellowstone Want You To Carry Some F*cking Bear Spray. Seriously.

By Tori Preston | Miscellaneous | July 26, 2017 |

By Tori Preston | Miscellaneous | July 26, 2017 |

Oh, you thought the dismemberment of our health care system and the daily proof that our elected officials are insane liars who don’t care about this country was bad? Well, you know what you should REALLY be worried about? BEARS.

The Colbert Report warned us about the threat of bears for years, but did we listen? Noooo. Bears are still out there today, being all bear-y with their paws and faces and deceptively cute cubs.

So does Yellowstone National Park really think a Hollywood actor is going to be any more convincing than a fake conservative pundit? Well, apparently that’s the hope, as they’ve recruited Jeff Bridges to join their “A Bear Doesn’t Care” campaign, which promotes bear safety education and in particular: bear spray.

bearspray 1.jpg

“I wanted to get involved with Yellowstone because I care deeply about bears,” said The Dude, a part-time Montana resident. “As hikers, backpackers, anglers, and photographers, we all need to carry bear spray and know how to use it — no excuses!”

The more you know, right? Only in this case, what they want you to “know” about bear safety is BONE-CHILLING. Here’s a closer look at the bottom of that poster:


I don’t care how valid it is — “Do Not Run” is not what I want to hear if I’m about to get mauled. OF COURSE I’m gonna run! That is literally the only circumstance in which I will ever run!

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The park reports that the percentage of backpackers and day hikers carrying bear spray is on the rise, but there is still work to be done. “Remember,” says Superintendent Dan Wenk,”a bear doesn’t care how far you’re hiking, if you’re just fishing, or even if you’re a movie star. No matter who you are or what you are doing, you should always carry bear spray and know how to use it.”

Do you hear that people? A BEAR DOESN’T CARE.

Tori Preston is the managing editor of Pajiba. She tweets here. You can also listen to her weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.